Its Just Me - ~Leena.

Moving to Wordpress...

2011-11-21T22:39:00.001-08:00

Thank you Blogger for several years of venting and thinking space. I'm discovering that Wordpress is now a better fit for my needs and moving over there.

Please find more posts and follow me on my new blog:

http://JustMeLeena.wordpress.com

Thanks!

Family Advent Adventures

2011-11-16T11:02:00.001-08:00

Did you know that Christians have a calendar - the church year? Of course, those of us who follow the church year live our daily ins and outs of life by the usual January to December calendar. The Christian church year is a series of seasons, not unlike Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. It is a cycle of seasons guiding our faith journey, pointing our hearts back to God who created, loves, and renews us through Jesus Christ.This calendar begins 4 Sundays before Christmas, with the season of Advent. Occasionally, like this year, the 4th Advent Sunday fall on Christmas Eve—cause for double celebration! Advent, is then followed by twelve days of Christmas, Epiphany, Lent, Easter, and Pentecost. Each season represents a part of Jesus' life and ministry. The 2011-2012 church year begins on Sunday, November 27th, a few days after Thanksgiving.

Advent focuses on the prophecies and awaiting the birth of a messiah king who will comfort and save a broken people, stuck in bondage needing hope, love, joy and peace. In churches observing Advent traditions you'll most often find an advent wreath with five candle - four representing the coming of Jesus and one to represent Christ's presence. Each Sunday in Advent a new candle is lit to mark this time of waiting and anticipation. The fifth candle is lit on Christmas Eve/Christmas Day to mark the birth of Jesus.

I do believe Advent is my favorite season of the church year, even more than Christmas. I love the focus on hope, peace, comfort, joy and anticipation. A feeling I wish could last all year long. Perhaps we need to endure sadness, anger, frustration and loss to really experience the hope and joy that comes with anticipating and celebrating a savior.

Advent also invites much creativity when it comes to observing. Our family (now and in my childhood) observed Advent by lighting candles on our own little wreath each night at dinner. On Sundays we added reading a scripture, maybe singing a song and then a prayer. We also have the countdown calendars (candy as a kiddo) and my children use a velcro nativity characters calendar. How might you observe Advent in your home or how might you introduce this tradition to your grandchildren, nieces, and nephews?

If you pop into most any bookstore (especially the Christian ones - Amazon.com, Family Christian Bookstore, Cokesbury, Lifeway, and a few independent stores in our community) you'll find books, calendars and more to choose from. I've noticed even the toy stores (Toys R Us, and the independent stores), Playmobile, Fisher Price, and Lego have created Advent and Christmas toys for children.

Or simply make your own wreath or calendar- with the children - this might be the most fun and best memory making option.

Wreaths: Find five candles (three blue or purple, one pink, and white) and containers, then arrange the four colors in a circle with the white in the center.One of my favorite easy wreaths is a clear glass bowl, adding sand or pebbles, and arranging votives candles.

Calendars: Create 25 pockets/holders or markers of sort to countdown to Christmas. Something I'm hoping to try with my children this year is gathering 25 books that contain stories of Christmas (Christian and Secular), wrap them up like gifts, put them in a large basket, and each night of Advent they can unwrap a story to read at bedtime.

I love to go on the internet and look for ideas to get my creative juices flowing. Check out the collection of ideas I've put together on my Pinterest account if you're looking for some new ideas: http://pinterest.com/leenaprindle/advent/.

Depression Sucks

2011-11-14T02:30:00.000-08:00

I have depression - anyone else? It is risky for me to put this blog post out there, but I'm convincing myself that maybe it will help someone else or at least give me something to fall back on and hopefully see progress.

Depression is actually nothing new to my life. Except that it hasn't been an 'always' underlying depression and it hasn't been something to cure with medications. It happens with life transitions and sneaks up on me... very slowly seeps into my life and takes over my life before I even realize it is there. It always takes some good hard work but eventually I can push it out. Until it comes back again an I have to figure out how to keep going with life while kicking depression out. Below is a post I started several months ago. Somedays I feel better and other days I feel worse.

Fall/Winter is definitely settling in on us in Seattle. Dark before or by 5pm...the depression makes me want to go to bed so much earlier and yet being a mom and a wife doesn't necessarily allow for that option. I'm realizing I'm going to have to work double time and not let it get the best of me in these dark days. Dear God, be with me in this and keep me strong.

begun on 6/9/11
I have depression and it sucks. Literally. It sucks the live out of me and I hate it.

I recently began working with a therapist who it seems will be able to help me get my life back on track.

Things I could accomplish and look forward to accomplishing without depression holding me back:

* Not yelling at my children for every little thing. My poor kiddos some days, and of course they yell at each other, because that is what I do to them. Especially as we are going out the door to school and right before dinner and when they won't get to bed. I know those are normal times to be frustrated with your children, but I know it is possible to be calmer and less perfectionistic in those situations than I am.

* Not annoyed at my husband and his work schedule vs my work schedule. I am the one with 'flexible' hours but I get so incredibly jealous that he gets to stay and meet his deadlines while I have to jet off at 2:30 p.m. almost every school day to pick up E and bring her to some activity. Of course after the activity is dinner, homework, bath, getting kiddos to bed, and then maybe clean the house or try to get some work done. Usually I just want to sleep though.

* Have a cleaner home. I wouldn't just go straight to bed or stare at the internet or sit and wallow if I wasn't depressed. I'd have the motivation and energy to get this pig stye cleaned up and organized. I did wash dishes tonight... because I can't sleep. Doug and I always joke about (in a serious manner) how I would make an awful housewife. I rarely get anything done when I have a lot of time at home.

* Be happier... cry less about nothing. I sit and wallow and am hardly motivated. I have friends that right now in real time are dealing with breast cancer treatment, cleaning up a home swallowed in a mudslide, fundraising immediately for friends in need, have more kiddos than I do, are in major pain and taking care of younger kiddos on a regular basis, pregnant, have a newborn baby, etc. I'm constantly in awe of their simple daily accomplishments and wonder WTH is wrong that I can't be motivated to enjoy life. I would have less negative tweets on Twitter and posts on FB. (edit-I'm actually updating and tweeting less on my depressed days because I've recognized this pattern. So if you wonder where I've gone either I'm fighting negativity or or perhaps I'm hopping from one thing to the next being productive. I'd prefer the latter.).

* Better able to do my ministry work - coordinating events and communicating with volunteers in a timely manner, supervising interns and leading a planning team more successfully and not so on the fly. Confident, rather than intimidated and paralyzed by fear, when what others will think of my ideas and propositions, and decisions.

* Communicate positively, let alone - on time or in a timely manner.

Sticky Faith ch 3

2011-11-02T00:24:00.000-07:00

These are my answers to questions for Chapter 3 of the Sticky Faith Ministry Parents Online Book Club.

What are some ways you identified yourself growing up? How were they helpful to you as you grew older? How were they harmful?

When I was growing up I identified as shy, quiet, sorta-smart, really really skinny and short, redhead but wanted black hair because everyone noticed my red hair, not athletic - but good at baton twirling, loved learning about music and singing, and enjoyed doing 'church'. Also I was the oldest child in a single-parent family - often I was considered the good child and my sis/bro made out to be trouble makers.

Being coined as quiet/shy and too skinny and taking this on as my identity was harmful in giving me a low self-confidence in so many ways. I have a hard time taking complements on my hair,body, clothing, etc. Even in athletic abilities, shy & skinny set me apart from participating because it involved my body. I dabbled here and there but nothing seemed to stick. I found tennis in high school and did pretty well with that.

I believe I made up for my lack of self-confidence by being involved in whatever I could to lift others up or achieve a status that had to do with what was inside of me rather than how I looked on the outside. Knowledge, Heart, and Faith. Sometimes this got me to places that were quiet vulnerable with my peers. I gave a speech my sophomore year in high school that apparently got me the vote for "Most Easily Embarrassed" my senior year.

The activities I was involved with though because of my lack in confidence in my appearance did give me several mentors that through the years God used to help rebuild my self-confidence. This is an on-going God project in my life.

2. Of Nouwen’s three answers to the question, “Who am I?”, which of these are you most prone to rely on? Describe what that looks and feels like. Which of these does your child rely on? What does that look like?

I think I take #3 (I am what others say about me) and use #2 (I am what I can control) to prove I am or am not what others say about me. Everyday I take encouragements/words of affirmation to heart and really try to live up to the good things people have to say about me. If I am told something not so great about myself, or someone says I need to improve certain skills or attitudes, I immediately go to work to change that perception others might have about me. It eats at me day and night until I either fix it or realize it simply is a perception and may not be reality. My mind gets tired emotionally bouncing from affirmation to disappointment.

I'm pretty sure Elie (7) is a "I am what others say about me" type... she is always very concerned about approval from others to dictate whether she is happy or sad. Reminds me very much of myself and I try to safeguard her from it, probably too often. I don't know what Katie (4) relies on, probably "I am what I control" at her age.

3. On a scale of 1 to 7, 1 being easy, 7 not so easy, how hard is it for you to see yourself as the beloved child of God? How easy is it for your child? Describe what you mean.

Depends on the day, some days more or less than others. I guess if I have to I'll choose 3. I don't think I look for approval from God, but definitely base others' approval (or my perceived others' approval) as a litmus test on how I am doing as a human being. Ellie is a 2, she knows God loves her and is always telling others of God's love for them. Katie - probably a 1 at age four. She has had an epiphany in the past few months that she is a child that God loves SOOOOO much - she's not afraid to let you know either.

4. Name some ways you can emphasize who your child is (a beloved child of God) rather than what your child does. How would this emphasis change your approach to your child’s extracurricular activities or academic achievements?

* I've been trying to do this already with Ellie and, man, is it hard somedays. There are days she has low self-confidence in her homework abilities, piano practicing, friendships and more. She is at an age where girls constantly threaten "I won't be your best friend or I will be your best friend if...." and the promise is more often than not made out of trickery or simply a broken contract. We work to teach her what it means to be a good friend... sometimes that probably comes across as "you're a bad person if you are a bad friend". Lately, she keeps asking me "Mommy. do you love me?" and I answer "yes". I try to find out why she asks, but she rarely has a reason why. I assure her I love her no matter what.

With Katie, she is still PreK and the extra curriculars are different - and she is treated differently than Ellie when she plays. We always try to affirm them when they make good choices and treat someone well.

Lice!!

2011-10-30T23:27:00.000-07:00

Our family's theme song for this week courtesy of a Recess Monkey "Field Trip" CD we often sing along with in the car:
-----------------------------------------------
L.I.C.E.
by Recess Monkey
CHORUS: Little insects crawling everywhere. Eww!
It ain't no crying shame to have bugs on you

I've seen you scratchin', I've seen you itch
You want to crawl way down in a ditch
Just the name makes calm people twitch
It seems so hair-raising
But your brother, cousin, your next door neighbor, the red-headed kid from soccer-all of them had lice too

It ain't no thing when lice land on you
There's no need for a new hairdo
Just grab a comb and tea tree shampoo
It seems so hair-raising
But your brother, cousin, your next door neighbor, the red-headed kid from soccer-all of them had lice too

Maybe you've had them, or maybe you haven't, but the lice are coming… GENERAL LOUSE!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yup, the Prindles were hit with lice this week. Not quite sure who got it first or how. But discovered it was on Ellie, then Katie, and yes... myself!! I cannot believe the stress induced from such an occurrance. Give me vomit, diarrhea (ok that's a tough one), blood, etc. any day but I really never want to see lice again. Of course now that we are armed with a nifty new comb and some education on how to rid of them - we're ready should there be a next time.

Combing, shampooing, scratching, scritching, laundry, Google for more lice-killing tips, wash, rinse, and repeat morning and night.

So thankful we found Lice Knowing You in our area... I spent a chunk of money having them comb through all three of our heads for one hour. It was SO worth it to have them remove every nit and bug. Thankfully I did pretty well in combat, only Katie had two bugs - one alive, one dead - Ellie & I just had the nit eggs.

This skin crawling experience caused my mind go into ministry object lesson mode on Sin and Pain:

When we hurt someone, tell a lie, ignore something that we need to address, or even have an addiction and hold it all in - it can infest our life. Sin/Pain can drive us crazy, sometimes we try so many different ways to fix it ourselves. Some methods give temporary relief, while others only seem to make it worse. We do this and all we really need to do is make an investment - sometimes a bit of a costly but well worth it sacrifice. Whether it is confessing to God, confessing to a friend or family member, getting professional help, or forgiving ourselves - we just need to do it and get it over with. Life will be so much better afterwards. And perhaps we might get a round two but we'll be better equipped and armed, more confident and ready to tackle the sin/pain until it is dead, gone, and washed away.

What infests your life in an unhealthy way? What might God be calling you to get rid of the infestation? Are you willing to make the investment to be healthy again?

Sleepless in Louisville (LifeServe Day1)

2011-09-26T23:01:00.000-07:00

I should be sleeping but my brain is too full. It is amazing how much can be packed into a 24 hour day!

Last night I hugged my family goodbye for four and a half days to venture to Louisville for LifeServe Ministry Conference. The conference has been around for three years and this is my third time participating... perhaps one could say I'm officially addicted to LifeServe.

So at 11:35p.m PST I hopped on a plane in the dark of the night in Seattle. Three and a half hours later I landed in windy, rainy Chicago. It was 6 a.m. C.S.T. and about 3 a.m. my time but I forced myself to eat breakfast to adjust for lunch in a few hours. Boarded a puddle jumper plane in Chicago and landed in Louisville about 1.5 hours later -- sunshine! 10:30 a.m. E.S.T but 6 a.m. Seattle time. Crazy!

I was picked up by a shuttle that took a group of us from the airport to the Galt House hotel in Louisville. On the shuttle about 10 of us shared that we were heading to LifeServe conference. The seating on the shuttle had us in a circle rather than rows and gave us a chance to share where we were from , what ministries we coordinate, and how many times we've been to the conference. Everyone was a rookie except for me, they suddenly interviewed me on whether or not the conference has helped me get more volunteers and grow my ministry ( a very first time participant question!) and what do I think is important to get people involved. They asked me for suggestion of what tracks/workshops to take. I also lived the furthest away and was the most tired, I hope I represented the conference well answering their questions. It was a fun moment and I've seen several of those women around the conference off and on.

Walked into the Galt House Hotel and memories from my time at the Presbyterian Women's Triennium, three years ago, popped into my mind. I met several new Presbyterian tweeps via twitter in this space, learned about PW from women from my church and presbytery, and shared a room with a few very energetic and enthuastic senior women. This time I have the room all to myself - despite my efforts to get many others to attend this conference with me - LifeServe 2012 is Orlando,FL so you MUST come!

Took a lovely long hot shower, grabbed a snack, and ventured off to check-in and officially get going on LifeServe. The butterflies that formed inside me and shook me up were amazing... how do I get SO nervous?! Walked into a Heart-to-Heart conversation workshop with Robert Gelinas, and didn't know anyone but afterwards I walked into the Marketplace and began reconnecting with people that I had conversations with last year. Several Group Publishing/Church Volunteer Central folks and a few ministry colleagues that I spent time chatting up volunteer management with at LifeServe 2010.

Something pretty nifty about Social networking like Twitter and Facebook is that you can so easily start into conversations even if you haven't seen a person in a long time. I'm praising God for these networking connections and that we can encourage one another in our ministries. Empowering one other, because we are already empowered by God, to empower those back home so they may empower others in faith and life ... that's what it's about. Lovin' LifeServe 2011.

Up next... notes and thoughts from the various LifeServe workshops & sessions.

Katie and her Baby Giraffe

2011-02-15T12:22:00.000-08:00

Katie, who is 3, has been cracking me up as I take her to school (preschool/daycare) lately. When we walk into the school to check-in you are greeted by a reception/waiting area that has a huge safari themed display. This display I believe has been a fixture as the building has morphed over the years from dance club to carpet store to restaurant to daycare to montessori school. I would love to see how it was incorporated into the environment of the past owners.

Anyways the display has many animal statues - lions, gorillas, rhinocerous, hippo to name a few - and additional stuffed animals. My daughter has befriended one particular animal - an almost 5 foot tall stuffed giraffe. It sits at the railing of the display and there is a waiting room couch right next to it.

So every morning we walk in, I go to the sign-in counter and Katie jumps up on the couch to say hello to the giraffe. It always takes a bit to get her to leave the giraffe and walk with me to her class. We've started to just say "Goodbye" and "See you later" to the giraffe. As we walk to class, Katie gives me an update on the giraffe. The first time was "the giraffe is scared of the lion". The next few times "Giraffe is my baby and I'm her mom", "The lion is going to eat the giraffe", etc. She keeps a running dialog and usually it involves the giraffe being scared, something/someone being eaten by the lion, and Katie promising to protect the baby giraffe.

Today's story was the best by far --- "The giraffe is the baby and she misses her daddy. The Lion ate her daddy all gone. The gorillas are the giraffe's mommy. They are swinging, swinging, swinging in the trees so the Lion can't eat the mommy gorilla. She goes 'Ooooh OOoh Ah Ah EE EE!'. They keep the baby giraffe safe."

As I type this I'm realizing my husband is out of town for work and I wonder if that has an effect on the Lion eating the giraffe's daddy - which is a new story line. Hmmmm.So how do I represent a gorilla?!?

Love that little Katie-bear of mine.

Stomach Aches and School Worries

2011-02-07T10:58:00.000-08:00

Ellie woke up saying her stomach hurt and she didn't want to go to school. She looked a little wiped out and didn't have a temp. I asked if there is something happening at school that she is avoiding. No mommy, nope. I wasn't so sure she was telling the truth, but she swore up and down she was sick. Every time I've sent her in not feeling well and not believing her, I've been called at work to pick up my puking burning up little girl and then feel horrible for sending her. So I kept her home for a bit and still got ready to take Katie to PreK.

I noticed she was suddenly very chipper and playing with Katie. I decided to test a few things. I offered her a cup of orange juice, thinking if her stomach really is upset she'll either say no thanks or she'd drink it and her stomach would hurt more. She drank it down without a single problem. I started packing her backpack up and got them to get their socks shoes and jackets on, while observing Ellie didn't seem to have any stomach pangs during any of it. I was really torn about this... do I believe her and let her stay (on seriously one of my busiest days of the month) or do I risk not believing her and sending her to school? If I send her to school she'll cry and protest, if I stay home and she's not sick, she'll try this again. So I prayed "God pleeeeeease give me some guidance on this".

After a little bit I had an idea. I'll take her to school, walk into the office with her, and ask to see the school nurse to see whether the nurse thought Ellie was too sick for school. I waited until I was ready to go. Said alright time to take Katie to school, handed Ellie her backpack and said 'and you too'. She didn't like this. I told her my plan. She said "but I'm worried I'll get everybody sick". I said the nurse can help us decide that. Then she started crying saying, but nobody will play with me or be my friend if I go to school. Aha! I knew it! (Didn't say that outloud to her though). I let her tell me her worries, hugged her, came up with a few ideas of what to do and then we prayed about it - God help her to be a good friend and look for others who will be a good friend to her.

Then we were off and she told me right away she didn't need me to go in with her, that she could handle going to the office to get a late note and walk into class on her own. Dropped her off and she was on her way. An hour and fifteen minutes late... but she is there and don't have to worry about finding someone to watch my sick child so that I can lead my PEPS group this afternoon and prep for a work meeting tonight.

This instance brings back to my mind, how do Doug and I coach our daughters in friendships. It is really hard when you don't know what is really happening. The questions that fill my mind with curiousity --- is my child being bullied at school? Is she being a bully? Is it as big of a deal as she makes it out to be? I don't want to dismiss it, but I don't want to make it a bigger problem than it is.

Last night I picked up a book I forgot I had... tucked under a few others. "Little Girls Can Be Mean". I read the first few pages after last night's/this morning's post. The book mentioned that a symptom of bullying or simply not being comfortable with confronting others at school is a stomach ache. I believe God gave me those words last night to help me work with Ellie this morning.

Now if I could only find my wallet.... my day would be a lot better!

Drama Tugging my Heart Strings

2011-02-07T01:21:00.000-08:00

Having patience with my three year old at bedtime is tough... and it was when my six year old was three. But I have to say the phase we're going through now with Ellie (the six year old) is really hard on me. I keep trying to figure out how much to intervene, how much to stay out of the way, how to not control everything, yet how to guide my child and her friends in the right direction. I struggle with worrying too much and worrying not enough. This worry thing isn't uncommon for me, a battle I fight with myself and ask for God's help and the grace of others every day. Sometimes I think I want a solution, but I know there never will be one, so I keep trying to convince myself I need to figure out a way for me to cope in a healthy way... rather than let it eat away at me and eventually my daughter and any other girls who come in her path.

We have a neighbor girl who is about 1.5 years (one grade level) older than Ellie. The neighbor girl arrived to our neighborhood almost a year ago now, from China, and plopped right down in the house directly across from us. There are no other elementary or preschool age children on our street and so of course they became instant friends. And it honestly has been a friendship that has caused me stress from day one. Initially the stress was just street crossing fears -- don't get hit by a car please! -- and now it is more dreading when the little girl comes over because every encounter seems to end in the two of them disagreeing about what to do together, so they both get their feelings hurt. As a result one girl lashes out making in-your-face hurtful comments and threats, and the other bottles up her hurt, runs away crying, and is afraid to communicate her feelings in words. Every. Single. Time. They. Play. And yet they insist on playing again and again and again.

The really tough days for me are when a third child (especially a girl) gets in the mix... because they get caught in the middle and end up having an even bigger fight.

I can vaguely recall having interactions like this in my younger childhood. Of course, that time was also coupled with my parents having a rough marriage and divorcing. I'm pretty sure I was that 'cry and run away' child. So you can easily guess which child is mine in the description above. It makes me wonder what about how I live my life now affects how she deals with her friendships. I'm sure there is a good measure of nature vs. nurture theory where she is simply born with particular personality traits and cry and run is a part of that.

I've noticed recently in the past few months that while I let the other child know her comments are hurtful, I have told my child it really isn't helpful to cry and run away and have tried to change her behavior. In all of that I've also come to realize that if I want her to change... then I have to change first. The problem with my changing is not easy to figure out. Perhaps those of you who know me can help and point the obvious to my ignorant self!

I'm guessing it has to do with how I perceived others viewing me... because she is huge on wanting others to approve of her every action. She is a woman of high self-expectations like her mother. Perhaps there is something in me trying not to have high expectations for how she and others handle their friendships and letting them figure it out on their own. The part where I get stuck when trying this is when they come to me in a disagreement - Ellie claiming her feelings have been hurt because no one listens to her and the other one saying I don't know why she is so upset. Sometimes the unknown is genuine but often I can tell their was some intentionality in the words said or the action taken. And after too many of those, I send the friend back. Not because they can't handle it , but because I can't handle it anymore (code for I have lost control). And sometimes she gets sent home becaus Mama Bear (Me) doesn't want to start yelling.

I've decided the best two things I can do about this now is pray asking God for guidance and be aware of my actions, words and the expectations I am setting for Ellie. Also blogging helps me get these thoughts out of my mind so I can sleep.

With that, good night. :)

I'm Not Afraid of Phones, People Just Can't Hear Me

2011-01-25T13:55:00.000-08:00

One of the hardest things for me to do in phone calling volunteers, not because I'm shy to talk on the phone but because God gave me this soft/somewhat high pitched voice that when I leave messages or talk to older volunteers people just don't hear me well and they let me know. Saves so much frustration for both parties when I can communicate clearly.

Today I'm having to make phone calls and have a scratchy winter cold voice added to it. I have several older (senior age) folks I need to call because they don't have email. And I know I need to make the calls, but it always takes so long because they can't hear me and the words they do hear confuse them even more.

Nursery -- WHAT!? I was supposed to be taken off that list! Well, yes that is what I'm calling about, I am new at organizign this list and I have your your name... I'll make sure you're off it now thanks, bye. I would love to continue saying "But I'm calling to check in with everyone on this so that I can make sure it is correct and check in to see how it is going/has gone, do you have suggestions for supporting future volunteers, thank you for your time helping out. I opt out of the rest of the comment, really wishing I could have continued with out getting somebody all angry because they only heard 'church' and 'nursery'. I just take it as it is and move on, praying they forgive me eventually and continue to the next few calls that are likely to be very similar in tone.

What is more frustrating about this is as an equipper of and communicator to volunteers, I know that some people respond better with Phone calls. The phone is their love language of communication --- rather than in person, hand-written note, email, text, facebook,etc. It pains me that I just don't do this well and it is frustrating to them. So if you are a phone call type of person who gets way to many emails to me, I apologize, its not that I'm afraid to talk to you in person, I'm just afraid you won't hear me and you'll get all the words if I put it in writing.

Trust me, if you know me, I love talking to people in person and you probably have a hard time stopping me, especially when I'm tired!

Middle of the Night Momma Thoughts

2011-01-03T02:02:00.000-08:00

As I walked down the hall with thoughts of blogging on my mind somehow that Saturday Night Live title of "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey" came to mind. Often when I blog it is some deep thought of the night that is on my mind that needs to be put elsewhere. If I don't want to get out of bed my thoughts go onto a piece of paper next to my night stand.

I was about to sleep when Katie woke up with what I think may have been minor night terrors, but who knows really. I just know she thrashed around for about eight minutes in my arms saying weird things like "I want to jump!" and "no!" to everything she normally would say 'yes' to. Somewhat took the sleepy out of me with a bit of an adrenaline rush and now my mind is wandering through events of the day. One in particular.

Had an older woman mention to me today -- "You know, you'll need to say No some day". At first I thought she was talking about reprimanding my children and I replied saying "we do tell them No quite often". Then I realized she meant I will need to say No to something in my line up of busy commitments to give time to my children. This was at church and it struck an uncanny chord in me. I said that really I have only one committed extra-curricular commitment to PEPS (approx. 4 hrs, once a week for 12 weeks out of the year) and I didn't get a chance to mention that I also do take time out to volunteer in Ellie's classroom not on a regular basis but to chaperone a field trip and the class holiday parties and tally up the scholastic book orders for the class, or show up in the last few hours of class to help children with an art project or sorting papers into children's take-home folders. I can't do it every week but it is at least 1-2 times a month on average. I take my children to their swim lessons and piano lesson -- because the times offered for those are when Doug is needing to be at work. I also go to Katie's daycare PreK class parties and events as much as possible and volunteer to bring items or donate various things as needed.

I KNOW in my brain I don't really have to prove that I love my children to anyone, but I guess anytime someone challenges my position as a mother that works full-time outside the home, I really get defensive- mainly on the inside. I try to brush it off but I can't. I never cut someone off with their thoughts, I just have a genuine conversation about it with them find out their history of child raising etc.

Tonight I realized though -- people never really ask me why I work, they usually just tell if and what their opinion is about it. They don't find out my history -- for instance, I was raised by a single mother, for much of my childhood, who worked full-time as a hospital nurse and I grew up going to daycare or hanging out with babysitters. I don't think I know anything different - like how to stay at home with children and not go crazy. I'm honestly not very good at it (in my opinion) because my patience/tolerance level is fairly low during spring and winter breaks. I try, but I get as stir crazy as my girls.

Another thing that has been reality for our family the past few years is that my not-the-highest-wages not-for-profit working-for-God-in-the-church ministry has actually been the steady job between mine and Doug's. Yeah he's an engineer and they definitely bring home more money than most of us in church ministry but he's also in a field (working with buildings and structures) that depends on people having the money to want to build buildings and structures. So in all of this 'recession' time -- he has been laid off once and a few months back his position was cut to 30 hrs/wk rather than 40/salaried. Some weeks there is more work and other weeks there isn't.... his pay isn't the same. My position however hasn't waivered as much and some of you know that it has been furloughed 10% for this year. But in my mind 10% is nothing compared to so many others out there who've lost their jobs or had hours cut back to half-time. My working actually gives us some stable income during this recession - and thank goodness for that!

Having my position as a working mother questioned always makes me ponder whether I do or spend enough time with my children. Yet as I wrote the paragraphs above I realized I actually do quite a bit to make sure I spend time in their classes and such. I try. I think there was one time in elementary school that I remember my mother chaperoning a trip because it happened to fall on her day off and she attended my band/choir concerts at night and maybe would go to my plays in highschool. Then would pick me up from piano lessons - but I had to ride a bus to get there after school. She rarely if ever made it to any of my tennis matches or basketball games. I didn't like that she couldn't be there, but I understood she needed to work to support her three children... to feed us, to clothe us, and herself. I don't at all hold it against her that she couldn't be there. But it does make a difference in my choice of work -- something flexible enough that I can be there for my kiddos for the most part.

And I hope that my children understand that for now, mommy needs to work to help buy food, clothes, pay the bills and student loans, etc. And I probably could put some trust in Doug's salary to provide for us --- but then again, its not always a guarantee so it is good for me to help provide a safegaurd.

Maybe I wouldn't get so defensive if others asked me why I work rather than tell me that I shouldn't.

I hope I can follow my own advice when in conversation with other parents... no matter their stay at home or work outside the home status. And I pray that I don't judge others when their status is different than mine... especially if I don't know their story and where they are coming from.

Seattle Moms Deal Finder: Everything Monkeys Review & Giveaway!

2010-11-07T18:36:00.000-08:00

I don't do these blog contests very often, but I love Everything Monkey gear and this is potentially worth $50. So I'm blogging, tweeting, and sharing on Facebook my love for Everything monkey gear. I only have a couple of resuable snack bags and a sandwich wrap. If I had enough money I'd get so many of the cute items. My 3 year old monkey is monkey obsessed so I'm considering getting her a girls monkey lunch box - so cute and I hope there is still one left after I advertise it to the world. :)

I want to win but you can enter too, now through November 17th. :)

Seattle Moms Deal Finder: Everything Monkeys Review & Giveaway!: "Do you love monkeys? Well, this is the site for you! Meet EverythingMonkeys.com, a site dedicated to all things monkeys! You willl find book..."

Oh the Places We Go

2010-09-30T22:14:00.000-07:00

You know how when you're young and you have dreams of what your future will be like and then all that changes (well maybe for some it doesn't, that's OK). I try to remember my dreams ... I know I wanted to be an astronaut, a country singer (don't make fun!), and then finally a doctor. Now there were a few folks in my home church, Camano Lutheran, who were encouraging me to pursue being a pastor or a ministry leader of some sort. I stayed active as a youth involved in volunteer leadership opportunities but never thought of it as a profession really.

Even went to college to be a doctor, calculus and chemistry classes killed that dream right away. Through that painful realization in college that I'd officially be weeded out of the pre-med track I trudged on and learned other important things about my self. I learned I wanted to be a doctor because I care about people and because my parents both held roles as registered nurses and fire fighters so naturally I needed to practice medicine as well. I remember being really scared to call home and tell my mom that I needed to drop the classes because I was failing them, I was surprised that there was no tone of disappointment in her voice (I still remember it practically 15 years later). That gave me enough confidence to face my Chemistry professor and tell him I needed to drop the class. The really cool thing about him (Dr. Waldow if I remember correctly) is he not only was OK with me dropping the class but he asked me what I was passionate about, what did I think was next. Concurrently I pursued a double major in Religion and was discovering I had an interest in studying the Bible and other religions - the history, interpretations, etc. So maybe somehow I'd be a pastor or something, but I'm female and that would be really hard. He told me he thought that was a great idea and to go with the dream if I sensed a call. I had several soul-searching conversations with close friends, and with Doug whom I had just started dating in our sophomore year. Doug kept saying what ever I decided he would support me, and that if we were still together and I wanted to go to seminary he would follow me there. I transferred to a Bible college (Trinity Lutheran College in Everett) and graduated with a B.A. in Youth & Family ministry.

Well, fast-forward 14 years later and I'm not an ordained pastor but I'm a church minister -- I struggle with describing my role because it involves coordinatin not only children's ministry, Sunday School, youth ministry, but family ministry, nursery ministry, and supporting adult education with resources and finding leaders. There are a few other hats under all of that. Who knew that I was going to be doing such a thing in ministry? Who knew that I'd also be balancing life as a wife and a mother. For some reason I never dreamed about being married, probably because of my parents divorcing when I was younger. But I always prayed, looking out my window at the night sky, that I would come upon someone who would really love me and be true to me and stick around. So far at 10 years of marriage plus 4 years dating, and two kiddos later, I think Doug and I are doing well. Not to say there haven't been any trials, but we've only grown stronger working through the tough times together. God knew and God knows.

This week I've made yet another trek on my own to the Lifeserve ministry conference. Last year I ventured off to Colorado and this year we're in Columbus, Ohio. To be honest with you, last year I saw the description come through a few emails and basically ignored them. Then I read through the full details one day and thought, wow - that is exactly the type of conference I've been praying to come my way. Something that helps me put all my ministry areas in perspective and concentrate on equipping and empowering volunteer leaders. I still pushed it aside though because nobody else I knew had ever heard of such a thing. Shortly after, I participated in a free online ministry training called The Nines. Someone in this video conference said " you need to take care of yourself, seek out leaders/colleagues in your area of ministry. If that means attending a conference that isn't popular among your colleagues but interests you - then be a leader and go learn!". It seemed that pastor was speaking right to me, God speaking right to me. I knew what I had to do, that day I typed up a proposal of the costs (researched registration, hotel, airfare, etc) and sent an email off to a few folks to see what they thought. Everyone, to my surprise, said go for it. So I did.

That first LifeServe Conference was seriously scary because it was the first time I went to something out of state where I knew absolutely NOBODY. I don't know how many people know this about me but I don't even go to movies on my own (I did once for therapy homework - then I had children and lost that opportunity!) I only recently in the past few years started going and sitting in a coffee shop or a restaurant on my own with my laptop to do work. I guess when I went to Trinity Lutheran College I went there knowing no one, BUT I had been to the campus for other events and I knew several people who'd attended or spoke highly of the school. Lifeserve nobody had ever heard of and didn't seem interested in going along with me. It ended up being a somewhat interested experience (transportation-wise) but overall it was exactly what I needed for support and encouragement in my ministry. And the reason nobody had heard of it is because that was the first ever LifeServe conference.

So I'm back again this year and it is going pretty well. I'll save what I'm learning in another blog post. There are some things I'm more confident about ... forcing myself to search for people on Twitter who are at the conference and tweeting using the #Lifeserve tag and I met a guy...yeah I know that sounds bad, but it isn't THAT kind of meeting a guy. Someone else who holds the same position in a similar sized congregation in Indiana, it is his first LS conference and we're in similar workshops/affinity group. So I was so bold as to invite him to join me for dinner last night b/c neither of us knew anyone else and he was amazed to find someone with a ministry position like his. It was fun to chat shop and turns out he is married as well, so chatting about how we balance family and ministry (if at all sometimes). We added to our group today for dinner (I found someone else from WA State- wahoo!! - last year I was the only one). It has been fun to have conversations with others to debrief the workshops we're taking and how we can apply what we're learning to our lives and ministry. My workshops track today has caused me to do some deeper thinking about my role and passions and call. Still much to figure out but it was exciting to discover some things about my personal leadership style and what God may be calling me to... because he created me that way. Don't worry LCPC'ers it doesn't involve leaving the church (I don't think).

There's a little bit about the places I've gone that I never imagined possible, fears I've overcome, people who've encouraged me along the way, how God has provided when I've trusted and had faith that Gd will provide.

Where have you gone in your life journey? What fears have you overcome? Who has encouraged you in your life.

Peace. ~L

Can't Sleep, So Why Not Blog?

2010-07-29T00:54:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in forever, yet again! I guess that is a sign that I've been busy.
Summer has been good. We took a trip to New York (and Washington D.C. and Vermont!) not too long ago to visit my husband's brother & wife, Aaron and Levana, and our new little nephew, Jack. He's a total cutie and I'm so glad I got to meet him. We visited the U.S. national capital for Fourth of July festivities... parade and concert on the mall (the one featured on PBS every year. It was hot and involved lots of crowds and waiting but it definitely was an experience of a life time. You might ask why visit Vermont? Because I have a buddies from my Stanwood days, Sarah and Toby, who live there and we love to visit. They are the most hospitable couple and have a cutie, Hallie, for a daughter. For part of the time while we were in New York, Doug's parents were visiting as well.

Rebecca T, if you're reading this... I'm really sorry we didn't get a chance to visit you, we only spent one day in the city and it involved getting half-price tickets from TKTS, walking across the Brooklyn bridge, finding the best playground in Central Park for our kiddos to play in, jumping on and off the Long Island Express trains and NY subway in Brooklyn and Penn Station several times, and taking Ellie to see Mary Poppins on Broadway. I'm impressed that my daughter, six years old today, became an expert train/subway taker in D.C. and New York on this trip. She mastered putting her ticket in the turn style and getting through it without any fear. I was really proud of my suburban Seattle doll who normally rides in a car everywhere.

And yup, you read it, we now have a six year old in our family. Our Ellie is getting so big! She's thin, getting taller, the baby fat in her cheeks is gone. She's reading books, taking piano lessons, learning to hula hoop, and wants a "Barbie and the Three Musketeers" theme for her birthday. Dare I say that I'm actually getting play swords. Others suggested it, I'm really nervous... something about it being a girls birthday party and I'm a children's/youth minister at a church. But it was moms from the church (moms of boys) who suggested it! I know I can make my own choices and don't have to take their advice, but I did. We'll see the reactions on Saturday. I have my personal policy on weapons and I'm definitely stretching it with this birthday party. But that is part of who the musketeers are, right? And even Barbie and her three female musketeer buddies have swords. Not that it makes it right for my daughter, but its the theme. The children at this party will also get to decorate masks and have a hat with a feather in it. This is all pending that my Oriental Trading Company order arrives promptly tomorrow as the tracking says it will.

Back to Ellie, she's so very sensitive and I get concerned about her being too sensitive... crying or guilt tripping others with a story so that they'll be her friends. Maybe this is normal for a 6 year old girl? I don't know. It pains me when she's sad and I'm trying to let her work differences with others out on her own while giving some advice when it seems she could use a pick me up. I share this concern with a good friend and she says I'm likely noticing it because I'm pretty sensitive myself... in time Ellie will figure things out and be OK. My friend is a great god-mother for Ellie, glad she's in our life. :)

For Ellie this morning I bought her pink roses and had them out on the table when she woke up this morning, with a card and a small gift nearby. Then made her chocolate chip pancakes, her favorite and rushed her off to daycare for the day. She made sure that we brought cupcakes to share and celebrate with her summer group of school-agers at the montessori today. And it just happened there was a group there to put on a puppet show. Perfect birthday for a six year old. As a family, just the four of us, we've held a small tradition of birthday dinner for the birthday person. So Ellie's choice was McDonald's (she says they have the best tasting cheeseburgers!) and I put a bug in her ear to have a picnic at a nearby park. So we had McD's at the park while the girls played on the playground, Doug and I had a bit of a chance to have casual conversation and daddy gave the girls "underdog" pushes on the swings. We went home to watch an episode of the Muppet Show (we have them on DVD) and then reluctantly the girls went to bed. Doug's finally sleeping and alas, I'm obviously still awake with lots on my mind.

I love that we've been able to travel with our girls so they can visit family and friends elsewhere and experience a bit of life outside of Seattle. I'm glad that we can create traditions with them for birthdays and holidays. I hope that they'll hold on to these moments with a smile and warmth in their heart, like I do as I write this blog post.

Loving my family. Thank you God for them.

~Leena

Associate & Family Ministry at NW Ministry Conference

2010-03-18T23:29:00.000-07:00

I am participating for a second year in the NW Ministry Conference at Overlake Christian Church in Redmond, WA. A wonderful 15 minute drive from home to get there (and then an hour to get home on a weekday!). Today was the first day for me participating in two pre-conference intensive workshops which means they were two hours long for some extra diving into particular topics.

There are SO many great options to choose from, today we were asked to choose two out of eighteen options. The two workshops I chose were:

1. How to Flourish in Your Role as an Associate/Specialty Pastor with Rev. Ken B. Dyck

2. Awakening Spiritual Parenting in Today's Families with Dr. Michelle Anthony

In the midst of the second workshop I realize an overarching theme to day that perhaps God's Spirit was whispering to me.... Count on and trust that God will honor me, my family, my ministry, the people I interact with even if I mess up or simply have no idea where to go or what to do next. As long as I keep coming back to God trusting that he created me (us) for good, despite any unknowns or murkiness in life.

The unknown refers to the fact that next week my new boss, our new pastor at LCPC, begins her ministry (on Thursday). I've met her briefly a few times but really don't know what God has in mind bringing her on board at the church. I definitely have my hopes (trying to put expectations in terms of hopes) of what can be possible at LCPC with a new permanent pastor. I'm excited to see what vision she will cast and where she wants to lead the church, I'm anxious to partner with her (and the other staff and congregation folk) where God wants to lead us.

That is the reason I chose the Associate/Specialty Pastor workshop - because it was about how to be supportive and partner with your senior pastor. I appreciate that Ken Dyck addressed the group saying that although the workshop title was worded with associate/specialty 'pastor' that anyone with a 'director or coordinator'-ish title was welcome to the class. In this class we were encouraged to be 'Helpmate' to our lead pastor, to mesh our vision for our area of expertise with their vision for the congregation as a whole and a lot of other ways to support the pastor. Also learned how to honor the fact that each associate may individually have our own personal 'calls' in ministry and to know that we may not always get to work on that call in our current ministry, it may still be something we are being groomed for a future ministry opportunity. Until then we can try to work out our passions in our ministry if it is in line with the pastor's vision or find ways to volunteer outside of our ministry until God is ready to have us use it fully elsewhere. Until that time we need to trust God with our passions and let him hang on to them for when the time is right.

The second workshop I chose first because family ministry is one of my greater ministry passions and second, because I've heard Dr. Michelle Anthony speak before and she has a lot of wise words on spiritual parenting. Essentially, Spiritual Parenting is not a method... it is putting God first in all the decisions we make as parents. It is putting up a cry for help in those moments when:
- you want to scream at your children for something they've done
- they ask you an ethical question and you're not certain how to answer but need to
- you're not a biblical or faith expert and your child wants to know what you believe about God, Jesus, etc.
And then in those moments you take the leap, regardless of your angst or messy faith, and be real with them.

There are places in my ministry that I know maybe not the 'deepest' secrets or hurts in a family but I know some of the hurts and pains that a parent shares about a child or that a child shares about a parent or family member. This is the murkiness I typed about a few paragraphs ago. I know in my heart that children's and youth ministry is not just about the children and youth but the parents, grandparents, and all other adults invested in their lives. It is also about the adults in our congregation who may have a grandchild, niece or nephew who may never set foot in our church but the adult sets foot in that child's life. I want to be able to be supportive to these adults as they walk through sometimes murky journeys with children and youth. I don't want to solve the problems, just be a resource and a support - especially in the spiritual arena. Not that I have all the answers now, but listening to the experiences and ideas of Dr. Anthony (who is a family ministry pastor and a mother of two) were very encouraging and support to me in my ministry (and as a parent).

The comments/ideas that struck me the most from the family ministry workshop were:
- We need to help parents learn to parent the soul, not just behaviors and the mind.
- Parents need permission to let their children into their messy faith journey. Even if it is vulnerable. That's how children will learn to be OK with a messy faith journey.
- Rather than flood the current generation of children and youth with all the the things they shouldn't be and shouldn't do, what if we help them see who they are as children of God and teach them to trust in God and follow Christ in those moments when they have to make a choice.
Make sense?

Two more days to go.. tomorrow will be packed with much more information, I'm certain.

Also bonuses to the day - meeting up with Doug's cousin Amanda who is also in children's ministry in the family ministry conference, and meeting a fellow tweeter in real life... recognized his name when we were in the Associate pastor workshop. Nice to meet people IRL - as much as I have an addiction to online life. :)

Peace, ~L

Sin and Natural Disaster.

2010-01-20T13:04:00.000-08:00

Disclaimer: My personal thoughts... not related to conversations or thought from anyone else at LCPC. Although, like always, I really hope I'm in line with theology of my church when I share these thoughts. Pretty sure that I am.

In a CNN article about this morning's aftershock in Haiti, I read:
"Patients at a hospital near Haiti's airport in Port-au-Prince immediately started praying as the ground shook like a ship rocking back and forth. They asked for forgiveness and protection, a nurse said".

Made me think. I know it is a cultural religious thing for Haitians (aside from Pat Robertson's heartless remarks) but it is hard for me to grasp that anyone believes they are being punished by earthquakes because of their actions/beliefs or lack thereof.

I know that people can believe something happened in their life for a reason - because they needed to learn a lesson or get a serious nudge to move in another direction. And I know that in the biblical Old Testament God caused things like a flood and other natural disasters to cleanse the world of sin.... but then he gave us Jesus to die, conquer death through resurrection and cleanse the world of sin.

So one man suffered and died for our salvation, you have to believe it but that's it and there won't be earthquakes, hurricanes, tsunamis, hailstorms, floods, famines, and fires because you sinned or didn't believe in God.
Any pacts made with the devil in the past by your parents and grandparents are forever erased. You just won't know the grace and love in life now and you won't be with Jesus/God in the afterlife -- that comes from a relationship with Jesus, a reconnection with God the creator of our lives.

I guess if it takes an earthquake for someone to reconnect then so be it... but please don't think the earthquake is because you haven't believed in God. Kind of selfish actually, isn't it? Makes me sad that people can be so hard on themselves.

Just my two cents. :)

Lord, Hear These Prayers

2009-11-24T22:43:00.000-08:00

I want to blog about somethings I've been dealing with in my ministry & life over the past month and a half. This is also not the view points of my church, just a disclaimer, because I may mention some things sensitive in nature to faith and ministry, these are solely my thoughts and experiences. Sometimes when I think about what really goes on in my work, the opportunities God gives me and the difficulties he helps me overcome (or helps others overcome) it just blows my mind. So I'm not blogging about these things to find pity, and I'm not blogging about these things to get a pat on the back or any needed affirmation. I think I'm blogging because these are people and happenings on my heart that I'm praying about on a regular basis and I'd love for you to be praying about it too. And if there is something to add to the list... please feel free to let me know through a private message, it is not a burden to me at all.

* A person who grew up in the church where I'm in ministry asked to be made an inactive member of our church because he's not so sure he believes Jesus is God or that Jesus is the only path to Heaven. This person has been one of the best volunteers with children and youth on my ministry team and I'm bummed that he is no longer a key leader. And while I'm bummed and somewhat boggled - I'm impressed with his courage and be so bold to say he needs some time to discover what is true for him. It also makes me think - I know he can't be the only one. Why do we make it so hard in Christianity for people to be uncertain at times. Everyone I know says - well yeah, I'm not really always 100% sure myself but I always come back to believing again. It saddens me to think that people think others will be mad if they are unsure what they believe. My prayer is that we can all be on a journey together and not be afraid to say what we are uncertain of and be encouraging to or encourage by others in the ups and downs of our faith.

* I, and a few other adults, accompanied a group of nine youth to a Christian Junior High Youth Fall Retreat.

In less than 24 hours three completely unrelated damages occured because of choices made by individuals in our group. A cabin door was kicked in leaving the door frame needing to be replace ($300 -cha ching), a car window was shattered ($350 - cha ching), a cabin window screen was damaged because someone needed more air ($45 -cha ching). Needless to say there were several meetings with me and the parents and the youth involved and two and a half weeks later we are still working to resolve all the stories and who needs ot help pay for what, etc. Ironically the them for that weekend was RECONCILE. To be reconciled to God our creator by believing in Jesus' saving death and resurrection, reconciled with one another as creations of God, and reconciled to the earth God's creation in our care. As I've been meeting with everyone, I've certainly tried to assume whatever responsibility or negligence was mine as the key adult leader and I've tried to help the youth come to terms that mistakes happen but we still need to be honest, tell the truth, and try to make things right again (even if it isn't all our fault). I've also wanted to let them know that God is not going to hate them, I don't hate them, they are not banned from participating in future youth activities, their parents still love them and they can still be friends with one another while holding each other accountable for their actions. Stupid things happen and then we reconcile. That is why Jesus is necessary - to bring us back into a reconciled relationship with God our creator, who loves us so deeply. No other religion or theory brings grace and reconciliation with the one who made us. I suppose you do have to believe that you were created by God first though... that's another blog.

* I know several people going through some really tough times in life struggling with mental illnesses/diseases either themselves or walking aside a loved one- depression, bi-polar, anxiety, anger, alcoholism, cancer (children and adults), cystic fibrosis, suicidal tendencies (teens have a raw deal in life sometimes!). There are several people also in bizarrely broken relationships and friends who have lost their jobs in this nasty recession time. So much brokenness and frustration ... I can't fathom how life is for some of these people. I've struggled through a few of these myself but my heart goes out to everyone dealing with such things right now. My prayer is that you will reach out to someone - a friend, family member, teacher, religious leader, doctor, co-worker - anyone that you can trust to help you either find a professional or simply let you vent by listening and offering you prayer. If you can't think of someone - pray that God will bring someone around for you. And if you aren't someone personally burdened by these things... pray hard for those who are. Pray for healing, pray for peace, pray for love, pray for wisdom... pray that they may know they are loved and cared for. I'm thankful for those who have confided in me and let me know they are safe, getting help, or finding healthy ways to cope.

* A few days ago I had to call the police to help me get a woman to leave our church. The situation was simply that a woman was transient (homeless) trying to find a warm recluse away from the cold weather and bitterness of her life, and I was the only one remaining in the building and needed to have her leave because our building policies/staff don't equip us for such a thing right now. I tried to get her story, give her toiletries & socks, and calmly let her know I was aware of her need for shelter but I needed her to leave the building. There was a point where she started to gather up some pens and pencils seemingly devising some sort of a plan and it freaked me out, I literally was scared for my life. I left that area and went to a locked off portion of the church to call 911 saying I didn't feel safe and needed the woman to leave. So the police came. It is SO hard to balance hospitality and Jesus' call to love our neighbors and yet at the same time keep ourselves safe. I guess I'm leaving it up to God to provide for and protect this woman. I think by calling the police, it gave her opportunity for a warm place for the night, even if not the best circumstances but keeps her off the street and connects her to resources that I don't have. I pray for her and all the others out there who are homeless, transient, vulnerable to drugs,prostitution,alcoholism, abuse adn all the dangers that can come from those. I hope for warm places to sleep and for people to understand those who are difficult to understand (especially with mental illnesses, addictions, life baggage, etc). God I know you are with them, I pray that they know it.

* Death - a little child died from cancer a week ago, Baily Bennet. He is a relative of a member of our church. Having daughters who are young this really hit me hard as I followed the story. I don't have all the answers, I don't know why young ones have to die. But sometimes they do and it really sucks. I don't believe God wants them to die. I believe God wants us to trust that He is ever present with us in our life and emotions and pain and numbness. God wants us to rely on him for comfort and peace, and someone to vent all our anger and grief. That doesn't make it easy. And I don't know, maybe I'd say things a bit differently if it was my own child. All I can pray for in this is for peace.

So there you have it. My prayer thoughts as of late. Lord, hear my prayers. Amen.

^"15-18We look at this Son and see the God who cannot be seen. We look at this Son and see God's original purpose in everything created. For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, rank after rank after rank of angels—everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him. He was there before any of it came into existence and holds it all together right up to this moment. And when it comes to the church, he organizes and holds it together, like a head does a body.
^18-20He was supreme in the beginning and—leading the resurrection parade—he is supreme in the end. From beginning to end he's there, towering far above everything, everyone. So spacious is he, so roomy, that everything of God finds its proper place in him without crowding. Not only that, but all the broken and dislocated pieces of the universe—people and things, animals and atoms—get properly fixed and fit together in vibrant harmonies, all because of his death, his blood that poured down from the cross." (Colossians 1:15-20, The Message)

Katie's MRI/Seizure Results update from Sept. 09

2009-10-31T01:21:00.000-07:00

The next chapter in the health sagas of our summer. My goodness, tomorrow is Halloween. I've attempted to write this particular entry several different times and hoping it is completed today!

End of September I took Katie to a follow up appointment for her MRI and seizures. We knew almost 2wks prior that the MRI results were negative (good!) because they let us know. They also would've let us know right away if something was wrong and we never got that call.
So I met up with our Nurse Practitioner at Mary Bridge Children's Hospital in Seattle. She reconfirmed that Katie's MRI showed nothing out of the ordinary.She said that because, so far, Katie's seizures have been short (1 min or less) and follow a fever/vomiting/illness (except for once) and she hasn't had an episode since August that she isn't worried about doing anything about it right now. She said not to worry unless:

1)she has another seizure that isn't following an illness
2) she has a seizure that is 3 minutes in length or longer
or
3)she has a seizure that occurs when she is 6 yrs or older (which is 4 yrs away).

I really appreciate this NP, she doesn't make us out to be panicked or worried parents and makes sure to give us ample opportunity to ask questions/get answers without sounding dumb... in a way that allows you to build up the courage to ask if that is what you need. Fortunately I really didn't have any questions... just like to know what are the next steps we need to take should it occur again and it is great to know that everything, in general, is OK in Katies brain (no tumors - which was the scariest unknown!) and there is just something about illnesses that tends to trigger her seizures.

Last week Katie did come down with a nasty double ear infection that kept her (and us) awake for two nights. We did visit the Dr the day after the first night to confirm that it was an ear infection and she started a round of Amoxicillin. As far as we know she didn't have any seizure episodes from those. I definitely was on guard though to see if anything such thing might occur.

Here are a few photos from her MRI day, they are from my Blackberry phone so not the greatest quality but not bad for a smartphone and will suffice.

Stickers Galore - I do believe they wanted Katie to think Children's Hospital loves her - so they showered her with stickers from the hospital registration, to the clinic check-in, to walking in the MRI prep room. I truly think she was getting sick of the stickers, overwhelmed by all the choices. I guess it that is the worst of her problems we're doing great. Here is waiting in the room. She brought her baby doll and blankie, glad I thought to bring them for the waiting room, we had a really long wait in this room. The killer was a playground outside 4 floors down right outside her window. I wan pay mommy, go pay mommy (I want to play).

After the MRI, it took about 30 minutes for her to wake up from the anesthesia. These tubes are just to help her not bite her tounge while she is sedated. She was the grumpiest little thing when she finally did wake up. Anyone would've been if they had been through all this without breakfast or lunch or any snacks and it was 3 p.m. In addition to the animal cracker and apple juice she was provided we visited the snack vending machine outside the cafeteria and she got to choose whatever non-candy/non-overly junk food item she wanted. (Yeah, I know that doesn't leave many choices). She then sat on Pigthaylion, the pig bench between the hospital and the parking garage. She treated it like a carnival ride and everyone passing by just thought she was so cute and hilarious with her excitement about 'riding' the pig.

This concludes Katie's seizure saga. Well, until we finish paying off the medical expenses. Nothing like medical bills after EKG,MRI and several doctor visits to make you thankful for the little bit your insurance does cover and that you have the ability to pay them off. This was just one round to determine the cause of siezures and we're done, I hope. I absolutely cannot imagine the burden of costs for families with children with terminal or other illnesses needing to be treated for many more days than Katie.

I did it! I wrote the blog entry! Hurray!

LifeServe Conference in Loveland, CO ~ 9/30-10/2

2009-10-01T22:30:00.000-07:00

So I've ventured out to Colorado, for the LifeServe conference, all on my lonesome. Seriously now. This is a huge deal for me to go somewhere on my own, especially where there is no one in particular that I'm meeting. I'm secretly (but no longer secretly) petrified of the thought of going places on my own. I think I've only ever been to one movie by myself in my entire life. And I guess I went to Trinity Lutheran College (then LBI) not knowing anyone. I also visited Fuller Theological Seminary in Pasadena,CA on my own. Ventured to a few youth ministry network meetings and PResbyterian Christian educator. Met my original playgroup people online and met them at a mall. But for all of these (except Fuller) I had spoken with or emailed/twittered, with someone that I would meet up with where-ever I was going. Not here. Just paid the money, bought the plane ticket and showed up. Gutsy for me. I'm sure there are several single women thinking I'm spoiled. 'Tis true. I just haven't been given the opportunity I guess. And I've probably usually avoided it if I was.Anyways, I really felt a deep desire to attend this conference and where the spirit leads I shall follow. So I did.

It is a conference that I didn't really learn about until a little under a month ago and nobody else I know had ever heard of it. I ended up hitch hiking one night (not intentionally) because I had to register at a hotel next to the conference hotel (Embassy Suites was booked when I finally registered so I'm staying at the Holiday Inn Express. The bummer - there is no taxi/cab, bus or shuttle service here - except for Mainly, I discovered because it is the first of it's kind. LifeServe is sponsored by Group Publishing, Church Volunteer Central, and the Externally Focused Network.

So far I'm the only conference participant I know from Seattle. I've met a few folks from Oregon, the Kid Check rep from Boise (a former exec. pastor of a Church in Seattle, who recognized me from Twitter and the Northwest Ministry Conference). also there is a World Vision rep here from the Federal Way,WA office. So we chatted a little bit.

Most people seem to be from megachurches that either have worship congregations sizes of 1000+ people or church plants with 50 or less members that are spurred off the megachurches. I've met a handful of others in churches 300 members or less. Our Lake City Presbyterian is in the 150 worshiping attendance zone. The great thing is every church, no matter what the size can always benefit from this conference in the sense that there are lay (volunteer/non-ordained) folks to invite into ministry who need to be embraced, equipped, empowered, and encouraged. That is what this conference is about... equipping ourselves to equip others. That is what I've been wanting to work on lately when it comes to professional development for my Faith Formation ministry. (Coordinating ministries for children, youth, adults, and families).

I love it because there is finally a conference for me and what I do. It is not just for children's ministers, not just for youth pastors, not just for people equipping Sunday school teachers... it is for everyone who is involved in equipping volunteer leaders for ministry.. and that is my role. I do get to teach and I go on retreats with youth, but primarily I am around to engage others in taking ownership of these ministries at LCPC.

In addition to equipping the conference is about Externally focused ministry - this means equipping children,youth, and adults to live a life of ministry... not just serving one another in the church but serving neighbors in their community. Did you know that when you volunteer for something outside the church because you are passionate that you are ministering to others? If you are sharing love to better others, and especially because you know you are loved by Jesus and have compassion for others then that is your ministry.

There is SO much more I want to blog about -- speakers, workshops, other ministers I've been meeting up with for meals etc. I'm glad God brought me here. My brain is very tired though and I must sleep. More to come. :)

~L

A Very Long Day

2009-09-15T21:57:00.000-07:00

This has been a very long day w/ 2yr who has an ear infection, was up half the nite last nite, skipped naps today, & screamed for an hour because she has a diaper rash and fought me for an hour to not wear a diaper to bed. She was so worked up & fell asleep standing hugging my leg and crying. I skipped work today, with a lot on my plate and keeping perspective that I hung out w/ her because she needed me And she means so much to me. I love that crying snot faced screaming tired little bugger of mine! Doug missed out today! ;)

Now on to washing the dishes & killing fruit flies! I really wish I had more chocolate than Annie's Chocolate bunny crackers in the house.

Countdown to Katie's MRI

2009-08-31T23:10:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the big day for Katie's MRI. The schedule for now:
* Stop solid foods at 6:30 a.m.
* She probably won't wake up until 7:30 or 8 a.m. and will have to forgo food for breakfast. That little girl never misses a meal!
* Stop fluids at 10:30 a.m. (juice, water, etc) She's not going to like this either.
* Check in at Marybridge Children's hospital at 12noon with the appointment starts at 12:30p.
* They'll have to sedate her (put her to sleep) for the exam, do the exam, then I'll wait for her to wake up.
* She's going to be so hungry when she wakes up. Maybe we'll go get big cheeseburgers together when it is all over.
At the moment what I'm worried about the most is distracting her from not having food or drink. Ha ha, I'm sure that will change by the afternoon. I'll keep you posted, probably not right away because I'll be going from the appointment to getting Ellie from daycare to take her to her swim lessons and then getting everything ready for El's first day of Kindergarten on Wednesday.
Lots of excitement in the Prindle household this week!

Vertigo Verdict

2009-08-31T22:56:00.000-07:00

And the verdict is out after this morning's review of my balance test results with my Dizziness ENT doctor:
We don't know specifically how to treat your vertigo, so here is some low dose valium to take when you start experiencing the symptoms. The Meniere's somehow didn't pan out in the results.

We know that I get vertigo:
* When I'm sitting down looking at a computer- but not always
* When I'm moving up and down to help Katie & Ellie put on and take off clothing or something like that - but not always
* When I look up to the top of bookshelves (like at a library), to the tops of tall trees, to the top of a tall store display, etc. - but not always.
* When I'm riding on really curvy roads in a car - but not always
* When I bounce in an inflatable bounce house or ride in an elevator, I have the sensation that I'm still moving 'up & down' - but not always.

And in all of these cases sometimes I just get lightheaded, sometimes I just get light headed and then dizzy, and sometimes it gets all the way to the full fledged spinning. It is when it gets to serious dizzy, close to spinning that I generally take the Meclizine, now substituted by the valium.

I passed all the balance and hearing tests (3 hours and 1 hour respectively) and my CT scan came out clear.

So I just deal with it as it comes I guess. If nothing else, I'm glad that I've taken the opportunity to look into it further to determine that I'm not crazy - I really do get vertigo according to the specialist and my other drs didn't want to call it that. I also appreciate having someone listen and work to help me figure this out and how to find some relief. Even if it is valium. Which I'm trying to remember if that is the drug I took after delivering my daughters and my body did not like having it in my system. Guess we'll find out when the times comes - if the time comes again.

Kountdown to Kindergarten

2009-08-24T23:21:00.000-07:00

Kindergarten and Public Schools here we come. Ellie turned 5 this summer and is on her way to kindergarten in just over a week on September 2nd. We're counting down with her to start at a public elementary school just down the street from us. She is VERY excited. I hope it will be a great experience for her. Northlake Montessori has provided what I've considered to be an excellent education for her for preschool. She's been in that 'community' since she was 13 months old so it will be hard for her not to see the friends she has basically grown up with. I guess that is just one of those things we all have to go through more than once in life and this is one of those big moments for Ellie. It wasn't easy when we left our last church, but she was 3 and more adaptable.

I'm fine with her moving on, I know there are several others out there having a hard time with their babies growing up and going to Kindergarten. Ellie is more than ready so that is not a problme. I'm just going to cry when it is her last day at NLM because the teachers there are so great. We've signed up for afterschool care just in case that is a possibility (they have a van go pick up children at the elementary school and bring them back for a school-agers program for K-6 grade. They haven't yet provided this service for our elementary school, but there are a few kiddos going there from NLM so we'll see. We figure having her signed up for a few days a week could be helpful in case we need it.

Mine and Doug's schedules will change a bit - Doug is going to try working 6am to 3p so he can come home early and pick up Ellie from school. Then I'll be the drop off for school and work a little later. I'll still have Fridays off for the most part. Guess we'll just try it and see how it goes. A new chapter for all of us.

Katie will have NLM all to herself. Ellie's current PreK teachers apparently have been vouching to have Katie in their classroom as she bumps up. She just has to be fully potty trained and then
they can have her. Ever since she started walking around and exerting her personality on everyone they decided they need Ellie's little sister as their student. Of course, Katie makes her self totally at home in the PreK classroom when she walks in each day to pick up Ellie. She has even broken and messed up a few things (knocked over a coffee cup, etc) and they still want her to be in their class!

So for Ellie. She's needing a haircut (which she keeps reminding me) and a few school supplies like dry erase markers, dry erase eraser, and baby wipes and we're set. She, unfortunately, won't get the school bus experience because we live too close to the school. For years Ellie has wanted to ride the Big Kids Bus to school. Sorry sweetie! She does have a very cute pink backpack to sport thanks to Cari Godmother... (I hope that doesn't annoy you too much Cari, we love you!).

More to come on Ellie's Kindergarten Kapers.

Katie's Seizures Part 3.

2009-08-24T22:03:00.000-07:00

A short (I think) update on the latest information about Katie's seizures. She was scheduled to have an MRI on Aug. 18th, and we ended up rescheduling due to Doug's grandmother's memorial service being held the same day. The rescheduled MRI is for Sept. 1st. Toddlers have to be sedated for MRIs so it'll be a tough morning denying her breakfast after 6am and only juice/clear fluids untl 10am then nothing before her 12noon appt. We'll see if that is easier than waking up with her at 4am for the EEG and keeping her awake until 12:30p!

About a week ago (8/16), late on Sunday night Katie had two more epileptic episodes - as far as we can tell. They weren't as intense as before, but the happened. She had some 24 hour-ish flu bug where she didn't eat much for dinner then didn't actually ever fall asleep because she complained of stomach pains. She Kept saying "ow-eee" for a few hours and I eventually brought her out with Doug & I so we could finish watching a movie that took us almost 4 hours to watch in the end. Around 10pm it was apparent why she was in pain because she threw up - all over me. Fun times being a mom. I've probably said it before but it is these moments that make me appreciate my mother all over again, and thinking about my mother caring for me that keeps me going taking care of my children when they are sick. She continued to vomit about every half hour until 1 or 2am.

Around the 3rd or 4th time she was in my lap and just stared straight ahead with her eyes moving up and down, side to side. She was unresponsive to words and then I tried pinching her and twisting her skin (as I'd been instructed to do by the med. experts we've been talking with) and then also seeing whether she'd grasp my fingers which she didn't. Doug at one point pinched her really hard in the stomach and she yelled "oW!". The combination of the vomiting and the episode made me nervous so I wanted to call the clinic for an after hours consultation. This was the first time Doug has witnessed any of her episodes and I don't know if he didn't think it was a big deal or didn't want to believe that it was a seizure and he didn't want me to call. I told him I was calling anyways because this is the same thing that her eyes have done in the past and she really wasn't responding to anything before his big pinch. So I called and we waited about 20 mins for someone to call back. Katie started vomiting again as they called and Doug spoke with them while I helped her. Poor little thing. Immediately after vomiting she had another episode with the same eye movements and non-responsive communication. Another big stomach pinch and she came out of it.

The after hours doctor said if she vomits through the night to call back, bring her in. But she stopped. They also recommended we call the nurse practitioner at Children's to report the epileptic episodes. So I called them and reported the episodes. They will follow up with us after the MRI results.

I know Doug is scared in general because there is the worst to fear... the worst that may not be at all. A tumor and hopefully it will not be that. We have found out through all this that at least two, maybe three family members on Doug's side have had seizures as young children grew out of them. Hopefully that will be the same for Kates.

Awaiting Sept 1st for the MRI. That's the scoop.

Katie's EEG Consultation Follow Up Appt

2009-08-01T10:00:00.001-07:00

For the curious (thanks to everyone who has been asking and concerned about Katie's situation).

Our visit at Children's Hospital Seattle went fine, other than the fact that Katie is a little monkey and literally climbed on everything she possibly could.We met with a nurse practitioner for the consultation - which is fine with me. I my experience nurse practitioners have sometimes figured out what was wrong with me when the doctors couldn't. So she checked out Katie saying at that moment in time she was perfectly functioning little 2 year old. I rehashed the details of the seizure episodes. They are not so concerned about the febrile seizures but they are curious about the second seizure (which didn't have any other symptoms like a high fever with it). She gave us the results of the EEG saying it came out completely normal, but they only tell 60-70% of the story as it is reading the brainwaves for that specific period of time.

Katie's second seizure episode causes more concern than the febrile seizures and they are thinking it might've been a "focal seizure", which sometimes that means maybe there is something in particular affecting the brain causing the seizures to occur. She went out for a bit and consulted with one of the neurologists to get a second opinion about whether or not to wait until there is another seizure (if ever) or prescribe the MRI right now, she mentioned that toddlers need to be sedated for MRIs because they are wiggly. The neurologist said better safe to do it now than not do it and find out worse problems later. I agree.

We have to call and make the MRI appointment. In the meantime, we are just hoping it is nothing and she'll never have a seizure again. All the while watching her and then reporting anything we notice. If she does have another seizure (non-febrile and when someone is observing) then she'll likely have to start medications.. more for prevention, not so much for stopping seizures.

So that's the lowdown on the EEG consultation. We'll continue to keep you updated as we find out/experience more. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers!

Katie's EEG Test

2009-07-28T00:29:00.001-07:00

Katie had her EEG test today and it went well. We won't know any results until our follow up appointment on Friday morning this week.

I have to say it was pretty hilarious to try to keep Katie awake. That was our main assignment. Wake her up at 4 a.m. then keep her awake until they were ready for her to fall asleep during the appointment .. which started at 12:30p. Poor kiddo, Katie was so exhuasted from our weekend which resulted in no naps and late nights on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday for various errand running and parties for family and friends. Doug was the first to wake up and was going to take the first couple hours shift before leaving for work. Katie just would not have that she had to stay awake and couldn't cuddle in bed with me, like a normal early morning. So I was awake at 4:20 a.m. and beyond. There was one point somewhere between 5:30a and 6a that I fell asleep on the futon watching Sesame Street On-Demand with Katie. I was awoken to Doug waking both Katie and I with "Wake up Katie, Wake up!". My cutie had leaned over and curled up next to me on the futon and fell asleep. We had to pick her up off the floor with a blankie a few times.

We took a trip to take Ellie to daycare then I decided this would be a good time to get Katie's hair trimmed up. Of course mommy needed coffee first so we stopped at the Starbucks next to the Great Clips. We sat at a round table and Katie was thrilled to be having 'coffee with mommy' and munching on banana bread. It was fun to have a few moments of just her and I. She was great getting her hair cut. I expected her to flip out but she was calm the whole time.

Stopped by home to pick up a few snacks and her blankie and baby doll then off to Children's Hospital clinic in Everett (clinic of Seattle Children's Hospital).

The waiting room was very child friendly .. included a wooden rocking turtle and a few play tables that she loved while I filled out registration paper work. Then appointment time. We went back to a room with a TV, a bed, a computer, and a rocking chair. The neurology tech explained the process to me and Katie. Katie initially didn't want to lay down on the bed but then Sesame

Street was once again a hero and she was told her job was to lay there and watch cartoons. Tough job, eh? The tech needed to mark Katie's head with a red paint pencil and started out putting an 'X' on each of our hands to show Katie what was going on her head and that we're all in a Red X club. Katie loves body art (she uses her legs and arms as a marker canvas on a regular basis) and thought it ws so cool that she was being drawn on and I was allowing it to happen. She was ready to go after 20-30 little electric knodes were attached to her head, a gauze cap to help hold it all in place and cozy on the bed with her blankiet an baby doll.

The test recorded Katie while awake, the tech said her brain was showing signs of sleepineess which was good. So her brain action was recorded while awake and drowzy, including a variety of patterns of flashing lights. Fun game! Then off to sleepy land as the volume was set lower and channel changed to CNN. Her brainwaves were recorded for 20 minutes. I was able to slip off to a chair for the time and take a cat nap. Then it was time to wake her up so they could record that as well. Katie was so great for tne entire appointment. I'm so glad it was a good experience for her. Afterwards I could tell she wouldn't be falling asleep again for a while so we went to the church to resolve some confusion and then she insisted we go pick up Ellie. I love that they care for each other at such a young age.

So that was the 'big' test day and then Friday we'll find out if there is anything telling when it comes to seizures or other sleep issues for Katie. There's the update. I'm off to bed, which seems per the usual when I finaly get to take a chance to blog.

Peace.

Prayer of a Stressed out mom,wife,friend, and more

2009-07-21T01:55:00.000-07:00

It is almost 2am and there is so much on my mind that I can't sleep. There is so much scheduled for me and my family in the next two to three weeks that I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through it without a few good cry sessions. I'm praying lots tonight and this blogging is a prayer in and of itself begging God to:

... take the burdens of my crazy schedule and turn it into purposeful schedule to do His will

... to take all the people who are needing me to be a part of their lives and let me have purposeful meaningful moments with them however long or short those moments end up

... to help me give up all the responsibilities I have as mom, wife, director of faith formation, supervisor, coordinator of multiple volunteers that I still need to get lined up for VBS in a few weeks, sister,daughter, and granddaughter (in law), best friend and supportive friend.

... help me because I'm scared of failing. Help me kick my perfectionist tendancies and know it is OK to be selfish (what probably isn't selfishness but feels like it to me) and ask for help. I'm taking that first step now and asking God for HELP.

This week:

-- I am coming off of a week and a half of being at a Presbyterian Women's conference in Kentucky then spending three days in Eastern WA with the Prindle side of the family and trying to get back into the swing of things, never easy to do

-- Doug's grandmother (Wimpress side) is fighting cancer, getting weaker by the day and has been given days to weeks to live.

-- Doug's brother just flew into town from New York to see Grandma and will be staying with us tonight (Tues)

-- Tonight (tues) all the Wimpress cousins of our generation and younger are having and impromptu get together since Aaron is in town.

-- Tonight (tues) and Thursday nights Ellie is supposed to have swimming lessons at 5:35pm meaning I leave work a bit earlier than normal to take her. I'm stressed here because what was supposed to be Doug's special time to take her to lessons so I could work a few more hours has turned into me taking her to lessons anyways, OK except twice out of four weeks so far.

-- Wednesday my bestest friend Cari flies in to Seattle from Fargo, ND with her baby, our god daughter. I'm wanting to spend some quality time with her and hoping that I can despite the crazy everything else.

-- Thursday afternoon/evening Doug picks up and spends time with Pastor Candidate #1 of 3 since he is on the Pastor Nominating Committee for our church.

-- Friday morning we usually have playgroup, not sure what's happening here

-- Friday Day -- Doug meets w/ PNC and the candidate for interviewing

-- Friday afternoon -- meet n' greet with Pastor candidate #1 for our church, since I'm on staff I get a chance to visit with them.

-- Friday night -- Doug is throwing a Bachelor Party for our buddy Ian who is getting married on Aug 1.

-- Friday night -- I'm hosting a shindig for friends in the area to get together with Cari at our home (anyone who wants to come - because you know Cari -- is welcome).

-- Saturday day -- Doug involved with Pastor candidate interviews

-- Saturday day -- I go crazy getting ready for Ellie's birthday party on Sunday

-- Saturday night -- We're supposed to be having a big extended family shindig on Saturday p.m. to celebrate their grandparents' 60 yrs of marriage

-- Sunday a.m. I am working for worship/education at church and bringing the girls along (Margaux I'll have them there at 8:30 a.m.!) because Doug will be at another church to hear pastor candidate #1 preach.

-- Sunday afternoon -- crazily getting ready for Ellie's 5th birthday party

-- Sunday evening -- Ellie's 5th birthday party

-- Monday get up around 4 a.m. to keep Katie awake for her 12noon EEG/Sleep/Awake/Seizure study test.

-- Tuesday -- Ellie's actual birthday

-- Thursday -- Doug's actual birthday

So things I'm worried about failing:

- People at church (and my summer associate) because we have VBS in a few weeks and I've been out on travel and dealing with sinus headaches & vertigo like nothing else lately. I really want things to go well.

- Accomodating family with the stress of Grandparents and not offending anyone if I seem distracted or not fully present.

- Accomodating Cari because I really do want to spend time with her.

- Sarah's in town and I won't get to see her I'm afraid.

- Ellie ~ I want to be a good mom to her and I want her to have a great 5th birthday and I'd rather not give her a nervous breakdown on the day of her party as a gift. I want it to be special not frustrating for her or a let down because so many other things are going on and I don't want her to get the impression that her party is just one more thing that we 'have' to do.

So again, God... please hear my prayer... please help me... take the burdens I put on myself and help me to be purposeful in loving others and loving you. Help me get some sleep tonight too, please. I'll try to stop and listen...

Amen.

Katie's Possible Seizure in June

2009-07-05T22:28:00.000-07:00

I began blogging on Katie's seizure history from February here and decided to split it into different blog pages. This post is regarding her second episode of what I believe was a seizure. I want to blog about it so that I can have an account for future appointments and for anyone else who is curious about Katie's past and present seizure history.

So fast forward from February 10th, 2009 to June 15th, 2009. Katie often wakes up early around 5:30 a.m. then comes in our room and sleeps in our bed. By that point Doug is usually up getting ready for work so it isn't a big deal for me to share with her (bonus - I get to keep sleeping!). So this particular morning she was sleeping in a bit later I woke up and just watched her resting.There is something so serene and peaceful about a sleeping child. Then I watched her face go into a rhythmic twitching. The rest of her body as well. Somewhat similar to the times when she had the febrile seizures. I wondered for a moment if it was a seizure and then thought, well, she's asleep so maybe it is just a very deep sleep.

I got up and about 20 mins later she came into the kitchen. I noticed she couldn't walk very straight and it seemed she could very easily fall down. Katie was really quiet and kind of looked really 'out of it'. I picked her up and sat with her on my lap. She had a 'what's going on' expression on her face and when i said Hi Katie and asked her to talk to me, she was unable. I could see she was trying to talk and the corner of her lips wanted to move but just couldn't. I gave a minute or so let her walk around and asked some more questions. Same wobbly, same inability to talk. Normally when she wakes up, she runs right out and demands breakfast "I hungee momma.Yets Doh (Let's go!)". I offered her breakfast and water and she wouldn't take it. Probably after 5-10 minutes had passed, Katie was then able to speak again. It took a good 20 minutes for the walk to regain her normal two year old self. Several people have asked whether she had a fever or any other illness going on - the answer is no. She had a little cough but nothing major.

I called the doctor it was almost 8 a.m. and they finally called me back at 11:30 a.m. - actually I called them a few times and this is when I finally got to talk with our pediatrician's nurse. Of course when I described what went on they asked us to come in that day. Our regular ped. dr didn't have an appointment until evening so I took an earlier appointment with a different doctor. This pediatrician was great (we like our regular one a lot as well - wish I had as much sucess with a doctor for myself!). She said it sounds like it may have been a seizure but she didn't want to call it that just yet. Also she was concerned about the number of seizures that seemed to happen on that evening in February. So Katie was referred to a neurologist at Children's Hospital. I worked on making an appointment and the soonest they can get her in is at the end of July for an EEG Sleep/Awake Screening and then a consultation in early August. The test is crazy to prepare for... they asked us to wake her up 3 hours before her usual wake up time and then keep her awake until her appointment starts. then they want her to fall asleep. That means 3 a.m wake up (and one of us has to stay awake with her!) then stay awake until 12:30 p.m. Maybe we'll just hang out at a coffee shop all morning. LoL. They asked me if there is anything we should know about her before the exam. I said "Katie doesn't like to go to sleep", they just laughed at me. Then I asked if there is a napping room available for me after the appointment is over. Another laugh.

So until then we are choosing not to worry until we need too. And enjoying every sweet cute moment with our baby doll in between. She's our smiley sweetie. Ok except when she is in terrible stubborn two's mode, but she usually bounces back pretty quickly.

I'll make sure to update when we find out more at the end of the month.

Love you Katie-bear. ~Mommy

Mealtime Prayers / Family Prayers

2009-06-30T13:51:00.001-07:00

Tonight I start working with a family from our church to help their son earn his God and Country medal for Cub Scouts. I'm really excited, we're using a curriculum called "God and Me". For today's session it ends with the family committing to mealtime prayers. So I Googled a few ideas to share with them in case they don't already have something of their own.

Maybe you need some inspiration in your mealtime prayers? Check out this link. If nothing else it will bring you back to preschool, daycare, youth group, or camp days...

http://home.pcisys.net/~tbc/mealpryr.htm#children

Ironically, at the same time I came across a twitter link to a short article on how families can pray together. Some ways to get the conversation started if nothing else.

I have to say in my life prayer has been important.. it brings it brings me closer to those I care about because either I'm remembering their concerns or they are supporting me when I need prayer.And it brings us all closer to God and each other.

I love teaching my children to pray. I'll be honest we don't always pray at meal times.. usually it is when we all sit down together, but maybe it would be a good refocusing, touch back to family reality time even if it is just me and my girls (and even if I'm not necessarily eating with them).

We always pray at bedtime though with our children. I remember this is when we prayed when I was growing up.

Funny, we were able to choose what prayer we wanted "Now I Lay Me" or "The Lord's Prayer" or something else. Frankly praying about death in the first prayer gave me nightmares/panic attacks at night so I sided with the Lord's Prayer. I didn't want to frighten my children in the same way, but then just before Ellie was born I found one of those praying stuffed animals that you squeeze. I like the variation the little stuffed critter prayed:

Now I lay me down to sleep.

I pray the Lord my soul will keep

and Angels watch us through the night

Until I we wake to morning light. Amen.

At first I let the bear pray the prayer with Ellie as an infant. Then she started to repeat with the bear and I decided it was time I took over. We prayed that prayer together and then one night Doug taught her the Lord's Prayer and she wanted to pray that one. That's ok with me. Now she likes to pray both, Lord's Prayer first and the bear variation of "Now I Lay Me".

Katie has been around when we pray (in her own wiggly way) and we'll say "Katie do you want to pray with us". She'll come over, cuddle with Ellie, say "Pay" and close her eyes tight copying the rhythym of our sounds with her own 'da da da...da da da' 'Amen.' So totally cute. She's learning too. I remember teaching my younger sister and brother the Lord's prayer and giggling when they said things in a funny way.

One more praying with kiddos thought - I occasionally remember to ask Ellie:

"What is something you are happy about from today that you want to say thank you to God for?" and "What is something you are sad that happened and want to ask God's help or care for?" She responds and we say thank you God, help/be with us God, Amen. This is a simple way to find out something about your child's day, what is on their mind and maybe you come up with a solution or thanks together, you bond and you share it with God - the one who only wants to reconnect and bond with us, His creations, His children. How cool is that?

Ok, I better get back to work!

I'd love to have you comment and share about how your family prays, your favorite prayers, and your experiences of teaching your children to pray or being taught to pray as a child.

Peace!

Happy Father's Day!

2009-06-21T17:40:00.001-07:00

Happy Father's Day to our dads and grandpas. :)

Love, ~ Leena, Doug, Ellie & Katie

Katie's Seizures in February

2009-06-16T01:18:00.000-07:00

On June, 15th 2009 Katie had what I believe was a seizure as she was sleeping in the morning. The pediatrician we saw thinks it probably was a seizure by the way I describe it but says she can't make a complete diagnosis without the opinion of a neurologist. We're pretty certain it was not a febrile seizure because Katie didn't have and hasn't had a fever which generally is a symptom of those types of seizures.

I'm thankful for Facebook and the way one can post a concern and so many others will chime in with prayer, encouragement and condolences. I posted bits and pieces in my status updates and then in my 'notes' after I took Katie to the doctor.

Some history: Katie had what we were told was likely to be febrile seizures in February of this year. It was two nights before we were supposed to leave for a family vacation to New York and the East Coast. I came home late from a meeting at church and Doug had been caring for a sick Katie who had been sent home from daycare with a fever. It kept rising and she was truly miserable. So when I got home around 10:30p it was my turn to cuddle her. At one point I took her temperature and she had a 103 degrees F. So I gave her some tylenol and sat down with her.

The next thing I knew she went limp in my lap, her eyes rolled back in her head and her face and hands started twitching in an oddly rhythmic way. She would not responsd to me calling her name or trying to wake her up. When the twitching stopped she just sort of stared for a minute and took a bit to come out of her daze, the limpness went away but she was pretty out of it.

During that process I freaked out and called 911 saying I'm not really sure if I need to be calling but I didn't know what else to do at almost midnight. They asked a few questions fast and sent the medics to our house. Medics came, checked her out... at that point Katie was her normal 1 yr old self with a high fever. They told us just to keep her in diaper only - no clothes and give tylenol/motrin as needed. There were three medics and they all said it probably was a febrile seizure but not to worry about it. One guy was a little apprehensive to say that is what it was because she wasn't wildly convulsing for a long amount of time. They all told us not to worry.

Fifteen minutes after the medics left I was on the phone calling them again because Katie was seizing again... just the same as before. At this point I was realizing she may have had a seizure earlier and I didn't even notice what was going on, just thought she was sleepy. Medics arrived the second time and again Katie was "fine". They did want her to go to the ER though since it was a second call in one night.

So about 2 am I took her to Evergreen in Kirkland. As we arrived the admitting nurse asked "What are we seeing Katie for tonight" and on cue Katie started another seizure and I simply said "This." They rushed us into a room to get her checked out. Her episodes were all less than 5 minutes so she was OK again by the time we got into a room. The doctor checked her out for everything - eyes, ears, breathing, blood oxygen, urine for kidneys and infection, etc. She still had the fever and the only thing he could deduce was that the fever spike had caused the seizures. He gave the usual tylenol/motrin spiel, to watch her and call if there are any further symptoms.

I think I slept in her little toddler bed with her for a little bit and then went back to our bed when Doug woke up. Katie ended up in my bed and I remember watching her at one point .. her face was twitching like an infant baby in REM sleep mode her breathing was a fast deep shallow breathing though and it only lasted for a few seconds. Her fever had gone down and I thought that maybe it was just the REM sleep thing. I grabbed either the camera or my BlackBerry in case there was another little episode. There was and I caught a few seconds of 'footage'. For some reason I didn't call the doctor. Katie has been fine since then up until June.

See my Katie's Possible Seizure in June blogpost for the rest of the story.

2009-06-09T22:13:00.000-07:00

Haven't blogged for a few months now and figured it is time. Holy Cow, how did June get here SO quickly?!

I last left you with Doug on the hunt for a job after being laid off. But of course if you're a friend on facebook (or offline for that matter!) or follow me on Twitter, you know that he landed a new position in the same line of work. As of April 28th, he is a senior structural Engineer for a company called HDR in Bellevue. This firm is not at all small - 100+ offices nationwide with headquarters in Nebraska. Yesterday he informed me that he is probably one of 2 (or less than five) Structural engineers in this company that have the credentials he has = freaking nationwide = that being PE (prof. engineer), Masters degree -engineering, and an SE (structural engineer license). He is one step away from the top of the ladder of his group, the boss is going on an extended site visit this week and leaving Doug in charge. They also want him to get licensed for Idaho, Oregon & Alaska (in addition to his WA & CA licenses) so that they can reach out to other areas for clients - meaning they can say "yes, we have an SE who is licensed to engineer your police station in Alaska." So that is going pretty well for him.

I'll be honest, there are some tradeoffs on the family end ... he is taking the bus to work, 24 hour fitness is next door to the offices, he has extra curricular meetings on Monday & Tuesday nights and once a month he flies to Poulsbo (for now) for a site visit. The trade offs are: I am primarily the one caring for our girls because Doug leaves SO early in the morning (5ish) because he catches the bus to go work out and then get to work in the morning. By the time he leaves girls are either still asleep or wake up enough to come join me in sleeping in my bed for a little while longer. His meetings means they see him Sunday night and then almost not again until Wednesday evening. I am picking up the girls from daycare every night because I have the car with the carseats since he's on the bus. This means I don't get to work later in the office like I used to, I leave around 5p and used to be able to stay until 6:30 or 7p to make up for lost time on other days or when I have that extra project that needs the time. We have to plan way in advance (like for any evening meetings I might have so that he'll be available) and it is so hard for me to just get a babysitter for the girls - I get a guilt trip since they are in daycare all day, and we have never had anyone that has been a regular babysitter... never really had the money to pay anyone for that. So I'm trying to work from home in the evenings but after dinner, baths, stories, and the girls pleading to stay awake and refusing to sleep that time isn't available until after 9p.m. when I actually am exhausted and want to crash in my bed or feel guilt

y and need to clean the house. So is the crazy life I lead. Guess every great thing has its trade offs and I'll take it over the lay offs.

A lot of our friends are experiencing layoffs and our heart goes out to all of them -- we love you and are praying for great new experiences to come your way!

Teaching at Trinity Lutheran College in Everett was a lot of fun and a commitment only for last quarter. I'm excited to see where the five students I taught are headed in the future. Three of them graduated and that was truly exciting. I'm glad for the experience, it was new and nice to be able to share what I've been learning with potential church/non-profit professionals.

My time volunteering with PEPS has been reduced for the summer. I opted out of leading a group for right now (12 week stints with groups of new moms) but I was invited to lead the prospective PEPS parent orientations for South Snohomish County once a month. I led my first one last week and it was fun. PEPS has been in King County for over 25 yrs and only in Snohomish County for 1year. It is fun to help bring a quality resource to the area for new and expecting parents. And for two hours a month, I'm good. :)

Katie turned 2 years old last Monday, June 1st. I'm gonna have to do a 'my baby is growing up' blog on her. I can definitely tell ya that what was NOT the Terrbile 2's for Ellie (3's for her!) is for certain starting out to be Terrible Two's for Katie. Maybe it is because we have two children and I'm spending a lot of time parenting them on my own. It is much more challenging than Ellie was at this age though. There are plenty of cute little things about her that make me want to hug and squeeze her everyday!

Ellie visited her soon to be new School for Kindergarten last week. It was Kindergarten preschool night. Wasn't really what I expected but it let her tour a little bit and we met a few teachers & the principal. I was not impressed with the PTA table & rep. I'll just keep my thoughts at that for now. She has Preschool Graduation on the 11th. She continue at NLM through the summer.

Love that little girl of ours too.

OK I'm falling asleeo thinking about all this. So I must sleep. Goodnight!

House for Sale in Everett, WA - Help My Friends Sell It.

2009-04-24T01:03:00.000-07:00

My good friends Cari & Art moved from Everett in October to Fargo, North Dakota. They tried to sell their home just prior to leaving (they left for Art to start a new job) and it is still on the market. So I thought I'd try to help out using this lovely social network we have on via blogs, Facebook, and Twitter.

It is a cozy two bedroom home with beautiful gardens and excellent condition. Art built the stone steps to the entry way himself - among other projects around the home.

Here is a link to photos: http://marketing.remaxdesigncenter.com/email/94/64894/output/104411/681267/

The realtor's web link on the site doesn't work but you can email her for more information: "Beautiful House for sale at: 511-105 St. SW, Everett, WA 98204 The price has been reduce to $251,999. For a showing or more information contact Margaret Lynch at: (425) 329-5781 margaret-lynch@comcast.net"

Thanks everyone == Feel free pass this on to anyone else who might be interested!

Blah-g

2009-04-02T01:04:00.000-07:00

There have been a lot of great things that have gone on this past week. Lots of great moments with friends, family, colleagues, students, etc. Today was my last day with the first PEPS group that I've worked with, twelve weeks goes by so quickly. There have also been a lot of those moments that I have recognized as great but I've just been felling' (Blah) during those moments. I think I'm just plain tired.

My dad is having troubles recovering from a back surgery and sounds like he'll need to go and get some parts of it redone. He has some worries about finding transportation for all of his dr visit needs and has called a few times to ask if I could help. With my work schedule, driving 1 hr to get to his place, probalby would have to have the girls with me, and I'm not sure that I can swing giving him a ride thsese days and that is hard. So prayers for speedy recovery for my father are welcomed. :)

I went to the Northwest Ministry Conference for two days and it was great stuff. I went to a workshop called "3 is Enough" and ended up making my only purchase for the weekend - Christianity - Beyond Belief. I picked up the audio version because I'm horrible at reading but have plenty of time in the car commuting from Ellie's school to the church and back. I would definitely recommend this read if you are looking for something that shares what it means to be a Christian that is living in the real world and not tied down to following religious traditions at a church,etc. It is living life as a Christian believing that we are living in the kingdom of God now and not just in the future when we die. Since I'm listening to the book, I'm only 2 CDs into 5 of the set, but the book looks easy to read. It is down to earth and I know the end of it because that is what the workshop was about.

At the conference I heard a lot of presenters mention that for so long a certain stream of churches has preached that being a Christian means confessing your wrongdoings saying you believe in Jesus to be saved and go to heaven and many have forgotten about the discipleship and living, serving, loving our neighbors now because Jesus is present with us now - not because it will get us into heaven later but because that is what Jesus did with his life and called the rest of us to follow him. Not just believe in him, but follow him and do as he does.

OK it is 1:30 a.m. time for bed and i'm getting droopy eyes. Good night.

Kids say the Darndest Things

2009-03-26T20:48:00.000-07:00

April 1st is in less than a week.. Katie will be coming up on 22 months. Two months away from two years old!?! I'm gonna have to get planning that birthday party soon. Hm, I wonder if it will be snowing on June 1st this year? She has been talking in sentences lately. More like Mommy gobbledy blehdeh blalalalala, Ellie. It is freakin' cute. And she'll sit at dinner and have a conversation just talking at you and all we can do is say "really, is that so?" "wow, cool!" and "ok sweetie". She nods and says "hey". Which means "yes". Asks for 'cupup' which is ketchup and likes to bring me 'mommy's copy' or coffee.

She and Ellie have conversations together all the time and it is so much fun to see them talking together. My favorite moment was a week or so ago when they had their 'cool' sippy cups of special milk (vanilla steamed milk) and were sitting at their kid's table across from one another, chatting and looking out the window. I give myself credit for all the times we've hung out in coffee shops together. ;)

Doug's favorite moment brought tears to his eyes yesterday. He played tee ball with them. Both girls hit the ball and took turn catching the ball. And Ellie played some serious ball and mitt catch with him. Aw, so cute. LoL!

Back to what kiddos say. Ellie was hiliarious this afternoon. We were driving in the car and she was trying to convince me to go to a restaurant for dinner. I told her I wasn't sure if it was such a great idea because Daddy doesn't want us spending a lot of money right now. Then she said "But mommy you have more money than daddy so it is OK." I had to hold in my laughter and asked, "is that because mommy has a job right now and daddy doesn't?". She said "Yes." Then I explained that we share our money so it is equal. She then said "That's because you sleep in the same bed, right?". Oh my. This little girl is pretty bright isn't she. ;)

This evening she was coloring at her table by our front window and the sky was changing to twilight. Ellie say "It looks like it is just about done being daylight out there." All matter of fact.

Gotta love my little girls. And I do.

Love my family

2009-03-22T22:47:00.000-07:00

Today has been a fun day with my family - fun in little ways.

This morning Ellie woke up saying 'I'm getting dressed now". Yesterday I visited one of my fave li'l consignment shops (Saturday's Child in Bothell) and came away with 'new' clothes for the girls. All of Ellie's pants are suddenly 3 inches above her ankles and it isn't quite capri season in Seattle yet. Katie is also bumping up to the next size of clothing. We saved all of Ellie's smaller clothing but this next size up is all shorts,capris, and summer dresses with one or two long sleeve shirts. So I bought at least 8-10 pieces of super cute clothing in great condition per child for $127. I had prior permission from Doug (he's a bit nervous about money lately) but he knows there is no way I could have done that at a regular store. One of those cute pieces of clothing is a floral dress with pockets that Ellie immediately wanted to wear for church this morning. It always cracks me up when she wakes up immediately remembering the plans she made the day before.

Later in the day she told me that she gets to sing in church with the other kids on Palm Sunday. She practiced with the others in her Sunday school class today and she is so pleased that she gets the opportunity. We didn't get the chance to pull together the preschool kiddos into this past year's Christmas program so it is her first time to help lead in worship at this church. It is fun to see her excited about it.

Doug's dad conducts a community band he started up - Gateway Concert Band of Enumclaw. We went to the concert this afternoon. Yes, the entire crew of us - Doug, our 1 and 4 yr old girls, and myself. This is a community band and a lot of people remember Doug from when he was a wee little one, so they are more than happy to tolerate the sounds of his little ones coming to Grandpa's concert. I SO wish that I could have taken pictures in that auditorium but I was afraid the flash of my BlackBerry would've distracted everyone. What would I have taken pictures of? Katie sitting like a big girl in her own chair listening to the music quietly and then clapping when everyone else did and saying 'yay papa' (her first word for Grandpa). It was super cute and lasted through about 3/4 of each half (intermission with cookies & punch), then she danced in the hallway waiting for the concert to end. I would've also snapped photos of Ellie sitting quietly and seemingly interested in listening to the band play. She loved the concert and for the first time EVER sat through the entire thing. So proud of my big girl! Later we had dinner at the 410 Cafe with Doug's parents and Katie ate spaghetti. There is nothing more hilarious that a 1 yr old eating spaghetti. She had a neon orange face and hands for most of the evening. The waitress laughed with us and Katie just beamed her smile making the moments even cuter.

Later I read Ellie stories just before she fell asleep. Lately she's been requesting stories from "The Look and See Bible" a nifty children's Bible with one page Bible stories, vivid drawings and questions to engage children to interact with the story. Before I was hired on at LCPC, Ellie received this Bible when I interviewed at a church that held a family friendly worship every fifth Sunday. The Sunday we showed up they had Preschool Bible sunday and every preschooler in worship recieved a Bible.. they kindly gave one to Ellie as well. I wasn't hired there, but they gave us a great gift to help us teach our children about a faith in Jesus. Kudos to that church. Ellie loves picking out a couple of pages to read each night and asks questions to learn more, she even brings the book to us we don't make her read it.

This morning and this evening Doug has been great as well. He has been making me lattes in the morning before I leave for work. I find it funny that he actually loves making the lattes and mochas yet doesn't drink coffee himself. He has a motivator - it will keep me from one less visit through the Starbuck's drive through. LoL! So I had my homemade latte on the way in to the church this morning - nice to have when I walk through the hallways to turn on the heat in cold class rooms- if Irv hasn't gotten there first.

Tonight we came home from our Enumclaw trip and put the girls to bed. Then I'm sitting down on the futon thinking about what i'd like to do and Doug says 'here you go'. On TV is Desperate Housewives. Aw, he remembered! He has this uncanny way of remembering that I like to watch that show followed by Brothers and Sisters on Sunday evenings. We usually have 24 on Mondays, then Thursday is the Office, 30 Rock, and E.R. Then Sundays are my night. So nice of him to remember after having taken the TV hostage all week for March madness. :)

Good news was received today about an aunt on Doug's side - one of his mother's sisters. She has been struggling with cancer and has been non-responsive for a few weeks, her body withering a way. A few days ago she took a turn for the better and is talking and started walking again today. Everyone is overjoyed for auntie Diane and rooting for what is still a long road of recovery. Please pray for Diane, her husband and her college age/soon to graduate daughter who is scheduled to be married in September. They really don't need this cancer mess in there lives right now = nobody does for that matter.

Wow. One minute to midnite, guess I had a lot on my mind to share.

Peace, Love, and Goodnight.

Part Deux: Week Three of Doug @ Home

2009-03-18T21:26:00.000-07:00

I was so sleepy last night when I typed my last post. I still hold to it all though. Thanks for the encouragement from my friends who commented. :)

I think the toughest part for me is not the finances but having to rearrange my schedule and do things differently. Like do without my laptop during the day when I often take it to another room in the church or to a coffee shop to do some work. It is a small thing but makes a big difference when I've been relying on it for the past year, the loss of it plus the loss of an hour here and an hour there make for a crazy frustrated me at times.

Today I went and hung out leading my PEPS group... a group of first time moms with babies who are 4 mos or younger (as of now... 10 weeks ago they were younger). I was not really in the mood to be leading and when it came to highs and lows I was grumpy because it was a morning spent with just Katie and I at an empty Drop-In playtime and I was super late on a newletter articles deadline for the church newsletter and knew I was not going to get it done before lunch time. I promised our office manager it would be done yesterday but I didn't have all the info from my team, etc and had to wait a bit longer. I hate holding other people up and breaking promises... it kills me everytime I do it (and when I'm stressed I tend to fall into a nasty habit of doing so). But being at PEPS - even though the group is not for me, it is to help the moms develop a network with one another - was helpful just to have other mom allow me to vent in a moment that I needed it.

Anyways, after PEPS I was able to go back to work for a few hours. When Doug picked up Katie to take the girls to the zoo today, he told me "Work as late as you need to tonight". Haven't heard that in weeks and it was an answer to prayer just to have the option to take the time I needed to get caught up at work. And it only took me two and a half hours to get to a point where I felt I drained all I truly needed to drain out of the to-do-list on my brain. I drove home with a lot less stress than I had when I drove into work this morning. Thank you Doug for hearing my needs, and thank you God for helping me through this.

Week Three of Doug @ Home

2009-03-17T22:57:00.001-07:00

I guess we are entering week 3 of Doug not having a paying job. It has definitely been a transition for us in subtle and not-so-subtle ways.

The obvious is Doug staying home, for the most part, with our girls. He has applied for unemployment benefits - which requires him to make at least three job search contacts per week. He is also applying to companies that his former bosses recommended among a few others. He is sort of getting in a depressed mode and openly admits it. I think it is probably tougher on men then women to be laid off and not find a job right away. Especially when his salary has been double or more of mine - very few people are in ministry because they get a high paying salary.

Ellie is in pre-school Monday- Thursday from 9-11:30ish and Katie is not in daycare for now. We envision perhaps having them return for 1 or 2 full days a week just so Doug can have the time to really focus on applications etc. Ellie actually says "I can't wait for Daddy to get a job because then I can have school lunch with my friends again". We realize that Katie isn't getting much 'educational' interaction =like the infant/toddler montessori curricula she's been used to. Doug took her to a library story time for toddlers today and she apparently just sat and observed.

As for me I'm trying to stay strong for him and help out in extra ways. For instance, I host a drop in playtime on Wednesday a.m.'s and Thursday afternoons at church for infant,toddlers,preschoolers and so I bring our girls along (or have Doug drop them off) then he comes and picks them up or I bring them home. This allows him time for job searching but it cuts into my available work time because I often try to get in a little early on Wednesdays and do a little bit of work before the playtime on Weds and stay a bit later on Thursdays to wrap things up before the weekend. (I generally take Friday/Saturday off). Additionally I've been coming home to relieve him on Mon,Tues,Wed, evenings so that he can either go to his meetings/band rehearsal or have the evening to send out resumes/cover letters. I try to get some church work in after girls have gone to bed (sometime between 8p & 9:30p) and some house work or free time

sentially am exhausted at bedtime and start all over the next morning. I feel like I'm slacking in being as productive as I possibly can at work because all I want to do is curl up and take a nap for the first few hours. By the time I get going it is time to move on to teaching at Trinity (which I am loving btw), leading my PEPs group, or the end of the day before I go home.

We've been making appts left and right for dental, eyes and otherwise because our health insurance coverage ends at the end of the month. I get a stipend from work but not membership in a health plan.

I/We are thankful for the prayerful support and encouragement of our family,friends, and church (these include many of you who might be reading) and it means a lot that others are rooting for Doug. We also know others are also searching for jobs longer than this or dealing with major health issues with family members that makes our situation small in comparison. We are praying for you.

Well, i'm at a point where I keep dozing off as I write this and Katie is crying off and on. Doug's getting home.... time for all of us to sleep. Thanks for letting me vent a bit.

Good night.

Confident that God will provide.

2009-02-27T11:53:00.000-08:00

My husband was laid off from his job this morning. Ugh. No fun for anyone.

So we will pray, live, and grow through this. I'm convinced we'll be alright. But for him this means worrying about finances and providing for his family (which to me seems to generally be something men worry about more so than women). My ministry salary is now the bread-winning money for the fam until he finds something new.

Resumes. Job searching. His bosses provided him with a list of companies with positions open for now. I remember agonizing over resume writing and interviewing and whether to take a ministry job, non-profit position, work retail, stay at home, or go on for seminary. Wondering does this mean we relocate or stay and will we need to sell our home? will it even sell today? Will we have to go bankrupt? Still have student loans, mortgage, car loans, some credit card debt, etc like most people our age. Oh and daycare for the girls. Do we keep them in or take them out - We pay for 4 days a week for both but maybe we take Katie out and Keep Ellie in for 3 days for the Preschool education? Maybe I bring Katie to work with me while Doug job hunts. Not the easiest thing to do with a 21 month old child, but I guess we'll make it work if we have to.

So all of this happening this morning and I'm off to host a retreat with Erick with middle school boys from Lake City Pres. We are participating in World Vision's 30 Hour Famine. Tonight we'll join Overlake Christian Church in Redmond and two other church groups for a rally, worship, games, band, movie, etc. Then tomorrow is devoted to serving Seattle Stop, Drop, and Roll. It is a ministry through the Seattle Mennonite Church that works to give homeless persons a place to stop for a meal, drop off their stuff in a safer place than the street, and provides bus tickets, etc to help them get on their way to a better place in their lives. We'll be helping them out with some spring cleaning, not so much hands on feeding people but it will help this ministry better minister to our homeless brothers and sisters.

I asked Doug whether he wants me to stay or go and he says to go. I think i'll be going into this with a different perspective than I would have yesterday... but know that we still are rich and have options in comparison to the oppressed and hungry children and adults in our world. Just one more way for God to bring us closer to him... to have to rely on Him more fully... trust more fully... and love others more fully than ever before. It will not be easy but we'll be OK. I'm confident of it.

God will provide, He always has and He always will.

For some reason a 13th Century song of Saint Francis of Assisi comes to mind:

The Peace Prayer of Saint Francis

"O Lord, make me an instrument of Thy Peace!
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is discord, harmony.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sorrow, joy.

Oh Divine Master, grant that I may not
so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life."

Amen.

I Googled for a youtube music version and found something by Sarah McLachlan

We Made it to New York - Alive

2009-02-13T06:46:00.000-08:00

We made it to New York. Barely it seems. I just logged on to see whether my lost baggage had been located and it hasn't. I called Sarah to let her know what is up, the initial plan is to drive up to Vermont and hangout with her, Toby & Halie for a few days. Doug is out retrieving a rental car and the girls are playing. I checked my Facebook and Twitter accounts per usual and on Twitter I notice a variety of tweets about a plane that went down in New York last night. Approx. 50 people died as their plane crashed into a house in the Buffalo area. My heart sank and cries for the loss and grief coming out of this crash.

It crashed about the final plane we were on was getting ready to begin landing at La Guardia airport. Scary to think that we were flying at the same time and didn't hear anything about it until now. Come to think about it - that must be the reason a lot of people we huddled around a TV in the baggage claim area. We were too obsessed trying to find my suitcase (with all of my clothes and shoes except for the smelly ones still on my person) and Ellie's booster carseat. We can get one with our rental car - I hope it is a safe one and she rode home from the airport without a chair. I don't know what the rules are for child travel in a car in NY.

So may God be with those families who have lost loved ones. Our flight from Chicago to New York was one of a few others cancelled due to the weather being too windy. We ended up waiting 3 more hours for a flight to St. Louis and then in STL boarded a plane that was delayed another hour which took us to New York. The last 10 minutes of the flight had a lot of turbulence and we were rocking a lot which made many of us nervous. Which makes me not too suprised that a plane crashed if it was weather related. Doug and Ellie were at the back of the plane while Katie and I were at the front of the coach with first class 6 inches in front of us. I had a wonderful conversation with a 95 year old woman named Dorothy from Illinois. Honestly I think God knew I needed a little something different from the craziness of flying with a four year old and one year old in unpredictable schedule conditions.

I couldn't imagine being the captain of a plane with all those lives in your hands. My mood of grumpiness because I have half of my wardrobe unaccessible to me because it is who-knows-where in the U.S. has changed to thanking God that me and my family are safe. There was a lot more than luggage lost for 50 families last night. God be with those families.

Katie's Turn

2009-02-06T18:10:00.000-08:00

I last blogged on Ellie and now it is time to talk about my sweet Katie. :)

Katie is now 1.5 yrs old (20 months if you're counting..) and living life in full 'go' mode like a toddler should.

She is full on walking, running, hops around saying 'jup, jup' to jump.

She wants to go potty on the chair like everyone else but is still confined to her diapers because it is a new concept to her. She is being persistent about letting us know when she has a 'peepee' diaper which can go either way, but she is usually stubborn about letting us actually change it. I'm not ready for her to potty train. Honestly. This means waiting and waiting for her to decide she is finished, begging to let me change her, and then when it is really *time* enduring the "accidents" that happen for at least a year or more. I'm not excited for this part of growing up, but I know I must give in and allow her the freedom.

We took of the railings of her crib and she is now officially in a 'toddler' big girl bed. She hates it. It is fun to play on but getting her to sleep on it at night is difficult. Thank goodness for Dr. Weissbluth and "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". It isn't easy but doable. Doug thinks it is easy. She just goes right to bed for him. :p

High chair - that is disappearing tonight. She officially decided she wanted the booster seat like Ellie. No more high chair. She fights us when we put her in it, refuses to eat. Complete food strike if she has to sit in it. So we brought the dining chair in from the garage and have returned it to it's rightful place at the table - with a second booster seat for Kates. She is happy. Although she still doesn't want to sit at the table if everyone in the house is not also at the dinner table with her. Way to bring us together baby.

Katie has lots of fun words and my favorite communication is when you ask her a 'yes' or 'no' question and she nods her head or does a little dance. She can sign 'thank you','please','more','eat' and 'drink'. She's singing too and dances in her carseat. It is distracting to drive when my cuties are having fun together dancing to music in the back seat.

Katie and Ellie get a long very well and fight very well too. Perfect sister match. :) Katie is getting very good asserting herself saying 'no,no!' and 'dop, dop it!' (stop it).

It is true that you can love your second child as much as your first. She's so cute, I just want to hug and kiss and cuddle with her all the time - too bad she's always on the go!

Love ya Katie-bears.

Why I Cared About Obama's Inaugaration

2009-01-27T22:11:00.000-08:00

Today my daughter Ellie drove me absolutely crazy. Not in a 'I crazy love her' way, not nervous break down crazy - but close sometimes. From the moment Ellie woke up to the moments we prayed and said goodnight she seemed to be yelling at me, frustrated with my every move, and intentionally not listening or following directions. I think she received five sitting down time outs today and we most often get through the days with none. So all frustrations of living with my four year old today I have to gloat about how she inspired me a week ago. Even earlier than that.

You see, I don't care much about politics. Doug is impressed if I happen to know the key news headlines in a day. I depend on him to let me know what is important in the world of politics and news. When I vote, he gives me the ins and outs of all sides of an issue or candidate. I won't tell you the details of the year I forgot to stop by the polling place and even to mail my ballot because it was a crazy busy day at work (it was NOT the 2008 election).Doug still won't let me live that one down. This last election I stayed on top of the information though and it was due to the inspiration of my four year old wonder and a desire to not let her down.

In preschool, she attends a montessori child care, Ellie's teachers informed her of each of the main presidential candidates and their campaign partners. In the classroom they had an 8.5" x 11" photo of each person, including the current (at the time) President Bush and VP Dick Cheney. Ellie knew all of their names and continually identified them when she saw their faces on the tv news or the newspapers and magazines on our tables. She even asked questions when she heard the campaign ads on the radio in the car. This kid was quite literally more informed than I was. I had to learn with and for her. At school they held a mock election and Sarah Palin won because 'all the girls voted for her, but some boys voted for Obama and some boys voted for McCain".

In the days before the election day Doug and I took turns showing her our ballots and how we voted for people (in Sno county we are all mail-in ballots). Doug planned to take her to drop off his ballot in the a.m., he ran out of time before work and she woke up disappointed. So I made a special effort to wait until the evening so we could take my ballot in. My drop off place was a local grocery store. We walked in, I let her put the envelope in the box and a lady gave Ellie, Katie, and I "I Voted" sticker. We preceded to pick up a few items for dinner. As we were walking down the aisles Ellie asked me "when are we going to vote, Mommy?". I explained that we already did - when we dropped off the envelope and got the stickers. She denied ever doing that and started crying saying loudly "Mommy, I want to vote!" over and over. We were getting some good giggles from the other customers within earshot.

We told her, the next morning, the results of the election and she said "Oh man, I wanted Sarah Palin to win because she's a girl, but that's OK Barak Obama can be President."

Come a few days before January 20th, '09 Inaugaration Day for a new president - Mr. Barak Obama. Ellie was overjoyed and superexcited that we would have a new president - not for the same reason that many Americans were but because she is four years old and it is the first Election that she has been alive. On Monday she told me that she had to be at school on Tuesday morning because the whole class was going to take a field trip down to the school's TV in the office because they were going to watch the parade and that she was going to wear her Christmas dress because it was a special, special day. Inaugaration day arrived and Ellie was awake at freaking 5:00 a.m. ready to watch Barak Obama become our next president. 5 AM! I told her there was still three hours and go back to bed. She just threw on her Christmas dress and bounced on my bed demanding breakfast and the tv to be turned on so she could watch the inaugaration. LoL!

That child watched people walk in , prayed the prayer, listened to the music, witnessed the oaths, and then sat through the entire speech (through which I was running around the house getting ready to get us out of the house). I was seriously amazed.We listend to the poem and benediction on the way to school. They never did watch the parade - she didn't seem to disappointed about that. She did tell everyone she was wearing a dress because it was a special day to be pretty. Apparently she also ran all over the playground yelling - OBAMA IS PRESIDENT! over and over and over again.

Seriously Doug and I do not know where she got all this inspiration. It cracks us up to think about it. But I'm happy that my little girl took interest in this special day and made it all the more inspiring (or at least called it to our attention) for the rest of us. Below is a picture I took of her to help her remember the day and make me smile when it has been a tough day living togher. I love my little Ellie:

Shower Surround Saga - Mission Complete.

2009-01-26T20:57:00.000-08:00

I didn't complete the sage of Doug re-tiling our bathroom. Here goes:

This photo is pre-grout and sealant (sp?) Doug says the soap dishes took some extra effort to make sure stuck on that wall. He had to cut the surrounding tile to fit just so around those.Thank goodness for that tile saw that many C.G. employees have had the pleasure to use - including Doug.

Doug marveling at his handiwork.. grout - check. sealant - check. Reaffixing fixtures that were given the cleaning treatment they badly needed - check. Caulk around the edges of the surround, the tub, and soap dishes - check.

I'm so proud of my honey - his very first tiling project. I now love taking showers in a space I dreaded showering for four years. Yay!! Next projects in this bathroom are painting the walls a decent color, fixing the bad lighting in the space (the broken plastic looming above), and matching trim around the light and the walls.

2009-01-12T01:48:00.000-08:00

I need to post the completed bathroom tiling photos, will do that soon when I get my uploading act together.

It is 1:49 a.m. I made the bad decision to drink coffee sometime around 11 p.m. Dumb. Now I'm awake. I reorganized the kitchen counter, so Doug officially will not be able to find a few things in the morning. I don't think I moved much that he will use though. Bought a few wicker bins today to use as 'return to the rooms' boxes.. ie - load up with Ellie & Katie toys and put back in their rooms. Of course they'll bring it all back out the next day. It is a fun game they like to play. I guess it just means we all like hanging out together in one big space. I somewhat wish we had a room to designate a playroom...for now it is front room, kitchen, and family room.

Speaking of organization, two awesome ladies at my church came in this past Thursday and spent just about all day organizing my office for me. The recycle bin was packed and books nicely placed on the shelves in various ministry categories. We of course determine my desk is not the best for my piling filing style - it is L-shaped with lots of pile space. Not good for me. It simply is what came with the office when I moved in.

I've been there a year and started out waiting to choose new furniture but then, like many churches, was told never mind because there was no longer money in the budget. So I didn't do anything but I've been so entrenched in my work that I couldn't find the time to reorganize. That and not to mention I get completely paralyzed, in my mind, when I am overwhelmed by the piles. Vicki told me to take 15 minutes at the end of every day and put things back. I did it today, so proud of myself. Also, having them come in and devote such a huge amount of time to help me out makes me want to keep it clean... I don't dare mess it up with the knowledge they could walk in at any moment and check up on me!

I did hear from my husband some words he shared with others ... that as they are looking into hiring a new Senior pastor for our church they need to make sure the candidate is ok that the Director of Faith Formation has a messy office. Yeah. That's me. Thanks buddy. I'm fairly certain this comment spurred my office cleaning intervention session. Thankful for it though - for an honest husband and for Vicki and Donna.

Ok 2:00 a.m. Maybe I'll be able to fall asleep?

Bathroom Remodel Part 3 & Trip to the Mall

2009-01-03T22:50:00.000-08:00

Day 4 - Doug is doing an aweseome job. I'm SO proud of him! This is his first tiling project and he is working practically non-stop. Tile on three sides and almost complete! Another few steps tomorrow. But it is Sunday, a work day for me and church day for the family in the a.m. We'll see how we end up balancing kiddos, work @ church and work @ home. Hmm.

Today I took the girls out of the house to by Christmas gifts from the gift cards we were gifted from family. Ellie & Katie picked up a few books from Barnes & Noble (thanks uncle Aaron & auntie Levana). I picked up some foaming hand cleanser and a foot lotion from Bath & Body Works (thanks Mom & Mark!). We spent almost six hours for our trip 15 minutes from our home - including finding parking, lunch, playing at the awesome indoor play area at the Alderwood Mall and venturing to Barnes & Noble and Best Buy (shhhh.. don't tell Doug, even though Ellie already did).

Thanks to 24 Hour Fitness, Mieko's Fitness, and Rubbermaid for providing our shower and bath opportunities for our family!

Here are photos from today's work done by my awesome tilin' man:

Bathroom Remodel part 2

2009-01-03T00:22:00.000-08:00

Uploading photos from Picasa to Blogger with the "Blogger" button. Apparently only four photos at a time is allowed. Here is part two... Day 2 and Day3.

Day 2: Completely stripped surround

Day 3:

- Dry Wall Up

- Ellie still supervising telling daddy she wants to take a bath in the big tub tonight. Not happening, sweetie. See the 'tub' she and Katie bathed

in last night in the photo below. LoL!

- Tile going up. It is an almond-ish marble called "Arena" with some accents of white stone, glass blue and glass gold brown. We are planning to paint the bathroom walls a light blue.
Some day we'll get to replace the floor and maybe even extend the ceiling back to where it started... (*ahem* previous owners had interesting ideas).

Bathroom Remodel Progress

2009-01-03T00:02:00.000-08:00

Doug has been slaving away on our bathroom since Dec. 31st. It is our main bathroom - not very big but functional. We finally get to make some more changes on it. Here are the photo results so far:
Day 1.. in the evening:
Plastic white generic tub surround that has bothered us for four years is ripped out someday that lovely (*cough*) teal green carpet it is laying upon will join it (there are wooden floors underneath!).

Day 2:
- Ripped out the dry wall board - Much to our suprise and relief there was very little mold and almost no water damage. Just some near the pipes, Doug has taken care of any nasties lurking in the walls.
- Our girls returned home from my in-laws on Jan 1st. They make great supervisors. Ellie keeps telling Doug she wants the wall up again as soon as possible. We figure she'll make someone a great Project Manager someday. This is Katie in her Duck coat from Halloween... Ellie was wearing her Unicorn costume.
- We added black waterproof paper before putting up new dry wall. You definitely need to ask Doug about this *fun* process.

A Long First Day of the New Year

2009-01-02T01:00:00.000-08:00

1 a.m. on January 2nd. Continuation of January 1st for me. I partied too hardy at R & M's place last night... well it was partying hardy in that our children were with grand parents and I was able to have adult conversations the entire evening, play a full game - even it was only Killer Bunnies - and eat and drink as much as I wanted. So I had one martini - it was a James Bond themed party and a few sips of sparkling wine to ring in the New Year.

I think we got home a bit after 2 a.m. and I finally rolled out of bed about 10:30 a.m. I'm SOOOO lazy on my days off, and I often feel guilty about it because I rarely have days off that I get to just relax. And some days off are split with a work event in the evening or prepping for a Sunday school class or children's sermon the next morning.

My in-laws brought our girls home around 1pm. It was nice to have them back. I actually do miss them when they are away. Although I get to sleep in as long as I want and we had two nights to ourselves.

The first night we had a movie date night - where we redeemed the tickets I received as a birthday gift watching "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button". Excellent movie BTW. We also shopped for tile for our bathroom tub surround and came up with hopefully a great setup after much deliberation and compromise.

The second night was the New Year's party. Traditionally we have brought our girls, as R&M are graciously accomodating and allow the entire family to join for a party. It was weird since it was the first time in a long time we didn't have the girls for New Year's. I figured out pretty quickly what to do with myself though!

Half of our small bathroom (main but small) is ripped up, gutted and there is now black waterproof paper up. Doug is hoping to put up the drywall tomorrow a.m. and get started on tiling. The only downside is not having access to the shower. I attempted to go workout at the gym I joined in December - and then due to weather and holiday schedules was not able to go more than twice. The gym was closed... Jan 1st... the biggest workout day of the year and they are closed? They normally close @ 10 p.m. and it was 9 p.m.

I really was hoping to take a shower and pretty bummed by that. So I apologize to everyone I meet tomorrow if I stink, I'll work hard on taking care of that before I leave the house. We bathed the girls in a large rubbermaid storage bin this evening. Hilarious! Ellie thought it was silly. Katie was eager to jump in and then was afraid to get in when the opportunity arose. In the end bathtime was a success and stinky girls were non-existent. Gma and Gpa didn't bathe them the last two nights and brought them home to us saying *oops* we didn't realize you wouldn't have the bath tub accessible.

Alright its 1:25 a.m. I need to stop talking and go to bed.

Goodnight!

~Leena

2008-12-31T13:49:00.000-08:00

It is December 31st, 2008.

I have a blog about my faith formation ideas and ponderings since I work in children,youth, and family ministry.

I have blogged on MySpace. but I don't really visit there much anymore except to check up on friends there.

This is much easier to maintain and more accessible to others, if there are others who are interested in my life. :)

Something I'm interested in starting up, borrowing from my buddy Lisa is a List of 101 Things to Do in 1001 Days. I'm curious if it would be possible to accomplish. It will take some work to put together, and we have to finish our Christmas -- now Epiphany -- Letter first!

Happy New Year to you!

~Leena